Joanne and I were in Ohio over the weekend, reminiscing with family, and I was told them this story about our Dad – and about life.
About 4 years ago I had the opportunity to meet (Apple) Dan Miller, an old Amish neighbor of my Dad. He told me that years ago Dad had complained to him that his apple trees looked beautiful but weren’t producing any apples. Known far and wide for his apples, “Apple Dan” told my Dad to go home, grab a hammer and give his trees a severe beating around the trunk. He said they needed to have something wake them up – that life had been too easy and they needed a challenge to come alive. While this seemed counter to the careful fertilizing, watering and nurturing my Dad had been giving his prized trees, he trusted the wisdom of his Amish neighbor.
The next year the trees produced so heavily that Dad saw branches breaking under the weight of the massive number of apples. With a little research I now find that this is not an uncommon approach. Want more crepe myrtle blooms? Pull branches down almost to the breaking point, then let them snap back into place. I’ve heard a gardener say the only way he gets his bougainvillea to bloom is to beat it every spring with a baseball bat. We know that roses, if left to themselves, will grow foliage but few roses. The best way to get them to produce what they are designed to do is to cut them back severely annually and shovel down to cut off growing roots. (Yes, those are my two oldest grandchildren, Caleb and Autumn, admiring some of those apples.)
Is there a lesson in this for us? Is it to our benefit that we seek to avoid any kind of challenge? Does a job loss, business failure or home foreclosure “kill” us – or do those very beatings hold within them the potential to make us stronger and more productive? Do we shrink back into safety or can that challenge wake up the very best we have to offer?
As parents, how do we bring out the best in our children? Do we protect them from any possible injury or disappointment – or do we take a deep breath and watch them learn life’s valuable lessons?
When I experienced a horrible business failure a few years ago it woke me up to see how to grow a profitable business in a very non-traditional way. I’ve learned not to be afraid of losing, but only to be afraid of not learning how to win.
Are you taking the “safe” route in life to avoid the stresses and challenges that are trying to release your biggest harvest?
This is great. When my kids were in elementary school all my neighbors would drive their kids an 1/8 of a mile or less to the bus stop each morning and keep them in the car until the bus got there. Cars running so the A/C could be on in the warm months and heat on in the cold ones. I was given a lot of flack for not doing the same. I have seen many of those same kids struggle over minor discomforts in their lives, which their parents quickly fixed for them. I don’t know how they will handle the major ones that show up in life.
Diana – oh I’ve seen that so many times as well. You have to wonder, how will those kids deal with a flat tire 5 years from now. And of course, many of them are immobilized with even such a minor incident when they’ve had no experience in handling “life.”
I’ve learned so many life lessons from past failures Dan, they can make us wiser and stronger. When you play the safe route you miss what could be an incredible opportunities. I was very sheltered growing up so when I went out to the world I was shocked and went nuts. Letting our kids experience life is the best teacher sometimes.
Kimanzi – I structure my life so I have plenty of opportunities to “fail.” I also have plenty of opportunities to score big that other people are going to miss. Being beaten up once in a while can open our eyes to new things – and help us grow as a result.
In my view, taking the safe route may work for a while. However we give up much in the process. Perhaps our skills erode, our knowledge becomes outdated or we lose our edge. We may find ourselves trying to play catch up or having to make significant changes perhaps after a job loss or down grade. Better to be proactive with ongoing growth and stretching ourselves along the way rather than playing it safe and being left behind.
Paul – so true. I’ve seen people take the safe route and then wake up to the fact that they have been left behind – big time.
Exactly Paul. Safe is another word for “slow death”. My skills have eroded and my dullness is shocking to me right now. taking a safe job has done this to me. I have recently moved on to an opportunity that is a super fit to my skills and talents and passions. I have alot of hustling to do so I can be back on my A-game!
Thanks William, your comments got me thinking a bit differently as I wrestle with my current employment situation. Then I got it, my job is dull and I’m not having any fun! Fun for me is being stretched, trouble shooting, learning new things, creative problem solving, team work. I have been doing too much listening to things like, you’re lucky to have a job….
Great post Dan. Appreciate you always, Billy
Billy – thanks so much!
Most people don’t like challenges. I know that I learn best when hit with the proverbial 2×4. As I tell my karate students, pain is a great teacher.
Time sure flies by, Caleb and Autumn are driving now!
Eric – yes they are. Both are headed off for college next week.
I think the older we get the less we fear hard times. I know I have often asked others, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Invariably they will number off a list of possibilities, most of them I have experienced in my many decades of life. Been there, done that, and lived to tell about it. And to praise God that He gave me the lesson learned. When going through a hard time I always ask God, “What do I have to learn from this?” and leave myself open to new lessons. Trust me, I am not out looking for difficult times, but typically they will come. And when they do, I am ready with pen and paper to take notes instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Great post!
Joanne – thanks for your comments. That old phrase – “What’s the worst that can happen?” has gotten us through some interesting times.
Dan, I love the application to raising kids. When I work with parents I often talk about where their children are developmentally. Just yesterday I was talking about a four year old who is right in the middle of his Initiative v. Guilt stage. We talked about the importance of letting him explore his world and try new things. If his parents protect him from everything and do everything for him, he won’t develop the confidence he needs to try harder things. The application continues throughout the lifespan. Vygotsky is known for his scaffolding concept. We start by providing structure and support for our kids but as they learn we slowly step back letting them do more and more on their own – like teaching them to ride a bike. Kids begin to expect this kind of learning. The problem comes when we get older and we forget how many times we fell down when we were learning to walk. Or that it was the perseverance to continue that pushed us to run. Nothing like a good wake up call.
Erin,
I’m sure you’ve seen it all in working with parents and their kids. Joanne and I thoroughy enjoyed the process of raising ours – and had fun with the freedom and structure issues. Joanne did a needle point when our kids where young that said – “There are two gifts we want to give our children – one is roots, the other is wings.”
This is an awesome post. Definitely a topic I feel strongly about, and have also written about in the past. I love analogies, and I love how God made everything so similar. Like how ‘breaking’ the plant to improve it and make it stronger and produce more is, like you said, exactly how it works in our lives. I’m not very old, but I have definitely experienced many challenges and trials, and I truly believe they strengthen me and teach me in so many ways, as they’re meant to.
Caleb – hey thanks for your comments. I’m sure you remember the actual trees I’m talking about here.
Absolutely wonderful post – the gardening analogy beautifully fits in life. We only realize what we are capable of when we are challenged and stretched. Thanks for sharing a great story with such a relevant take-away!
Thank you so much for this—who knew?! Think I’ll go whack my pecan trees then give myself a shake up too.
Thanks Dan. Appreciate the story and application.
Thanks for sharing this. Very inspiring post. We sometimes live too comfortably without even realizing it.
So so true. It is often in the hardest times of life that we’re able to see a clearer path. The wisdom comes in “choosing” to see a better way despite the obstacles, and then taking steps forward to change our behavior. Throughout my own journey, I’ve come to learn and embrace that the obstacle often IS the way. Thanks for sharing Dan.