Here’s a painful note from one of my podcast listeners:
“Dan, I am 33 years old and have nothing to show for it. Nine years after college, I have no job, no career. Just a couple of useless degrees . I studied fashion design, then graphic design. I’ve had around 5 jobs in that time lasting 6 months each. All the jobs I’ve had have been crappy and all the people in all of them were hateful and toxic. I’m starting to think the typical workplace isn’t for me. In graphic design, they won’t hire anyone who has less than 3 years experience. It’s a catch 22. All the doors seem shut for me. I still don’t even know if I have any talent. I’m starting to doubt my self-worth. I’ve read your books, but nothing has clicked yet. I really can’t seem to get a job? Not even a crappy job, what do I do? Please Dan, help me.” Mary
Mary – fortunately, I can help you – and you don’t have to go back to school or get another degree. Let’s take a quick look at your description:
“I’ve had around 5 jobs in that time lasting 6 months each. All the jobs I’ve had have been crappy and all the people in all of them were hateful and toxic.”
That means you’ve been in a lot of different environments, giving you a pretty broad overview of the workplace. So let’s just narrow down to the common denominator in all of this – You.
You can’t control the environment but you certainly can control You. Happiness and contentment are very much an inner game – not just a result of circumstances. If your happiness depends on the circumstances around you, you are always very vulnerable.
Here are some suggestions that will immediately change your work success:
- Become a person people want on their team.
- Be a happy, enthusiastic person.
- Smile readily, compliment other people on their work.
- Ask people about their interests and then listen intently.
- The quality of your work will improve and other companies will be recruiting you.
Now ultimately you have to be able to produce work that has value. And whether you do that as an employee, a free-lancer, or by standing on the street doing caricatures is not important. The key is that you are able to produce something that people will pay for. And keep in mind, whatever your work title, people do business with people they know, like and trust.
I’m sending you a fresh copy of 48 Days to the Work You Love – a lot of what I talk about in there is becoming a person of value – that’s 85% of the process. Having degrees or training is maybe 10-15%. I’m also attaching a copy of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Read and implement the principles there and you can change your career results immediately. How to Win Friends and Influence People
In reading this email, I was thinking the same things Dan. There is no such thing as a “perfect job” but you can find MANY opportunities if you have a great attitude.
I’d highly recommend Mary also consider doing some exercise and helping someone else in some way. Those two steps can completely change your attitude, which then can change your entire life.
Jim,
Yep – Much of having the “perfect job” is our own attitude. Thanks for your comments.
Amen Jim! Tim Sanders talks about that often. When you *need* a job or are stressed for time, volunteer or mentor someone.
I started doing that with one person a few months ago. I wanted to say “no” so bad because I “didn’t have the time.” Now, it is literally my second best male friendship behind that of a friend of 19 years. We talk weekly and he has helped me just as much as I have helped him, if you ask me.
Love it Matt! Thanks so much for sharing that!
I love everything about this post, except Mary’s struggle, of course. It’s so easy to wonder what was wrong with the environments and lose focus on what will bring true joy and peace: improving you.
Disconnecting your happiness from your circumstances is such a powerful mindset.
Great post!
Nick – happiness, fulfillment and success are all such inner games. External circumstances play a very small part. If only people could believe and act on that. Thanks for your comments.
Great idea’s Dan, I’m thinking with her graphic design training, she could get some good work as a freelancer.
Kimanzi – but you can suspect from her comments, no one will want her on their team. Sad but true.
Yep.
Man, the advice you gave Mary is right on! If we go into situations with a sense of entitlement or expecting something outside of ourselves to fulfill our needs, we are in immediate trouble. Happiness truly is an inside job. If she is viewing all her past “failures” in the workplace as worthless, she will continue to have “failures.” But if she can glean even the slightest bit of help and hope from what she has learned in each place, she will be positioned much more openly to receive what her true direction is supposed to be! Every situation we face has a gift to offer.
True words, Elyssa: “Every situation we face has a gift to offer.” That is the real meat of personal development … if only we can find all those little nuggets of gold in the dirt!!
This post speaks brilliantly to me, as someone who also has too many degrees and too little “real” work experience outside of freelancing. I will be moving back to working in the traditional workplace after my son is born, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how important it is to show up, make a contribution, be pleasant and give the people around you something to smile about. If you don’t, you’re not only creating that toxic environment you hate, you’re lowering your self-confidence and your ability to enjoy your own self at work. Since I have a tendency to do this out of fear and nerves, I’ll be paying especial attention to your words, Dan!
Sarah – if you do what you describe here you will be seen as a superstar and people will be clamoring for you to be on their team. Enjoy the process.
E+R=O!! Events (which we don’t control) + RESPONSE (which we do control) = Outcome.
Great insights, as always, Dan.
Excellent response Dan! Our attitude determines how high we go. We can choose to react or respond. Here lately, I’ve taken extra effort to truly LISTEN to other people and express genuine interest in what they are doing. When I do this, it’s amazing how many people are coming up and saying, “Wow, I just love talking to you. I feel so much better!” when all I did was truly care and actually take time to listen. Thanks Dan.