I feel pressured rather than accepted in the 48Days community

Last week I got a note from a member of our 48Days.net community.  She had described how she lived in a remote area, had lots of family responsibilities, some health issues, and just wanted some support and encouragement.  48days -- group

Here’s a snippet of her note:

“But what I have found in the 48 Days community is a little bit different. It’s a “how to” and intellect-oriented place rather than a place for emotional support. If your ability to ‘do’ has been in any way reduced by life circumstances, the tips in this website become moot. The goal-orientation of the people here seems to push me into doing things that I can not do given my situation. I felt pressured and alienated instead of accepted and supported.”

Now this is a dicey dynamic – but here is my response to Mary:

“I think you’ve accurately captured the focus of the 48 Days community – and that is to break old habits and start doing new things.  That’s just the nature of what this community is all about.  You’re not going to get a lot of sympathy for “circumstances” being too difficult where you are.  I know that may seem non-supportive but I really want that push to continue.  I’m sure you can find acceptance and support in other places.  I trust that doesn’t sound uncaring but it’s just the nature of what’s happening in this community of people who are moving forward.”

Mary did leave the 48Days.net community with a note that “The doing was more important than being whole.”

In our Coaching Mastery Program we often talk about the fact that our goal as a coach is not to make our clients feel better, but to be better.

So what do you think?  Are you looking for a place where you can feel better, or be better?  If you were to rank these qualities as components of the 48 Days community, what percentage focus would you want on these five elements?

  1. Mutual Support and Encouragement
  2. Challenge to learn and grow into new opportunities
  3. Feeling accepted and part of the team
  4. Community push to break current habits
  5. Empathy for my unique situation

I really do want your feedback on this issue.  I know I push for big decisions and actions in 48 Days – is that too aggressive?  Is there too much focus on doing as compared to “being whole?”

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