What do you tell people when you first meet them? Like anyone else, I can tell my life story as a healthy version or a victim version.
I grew up in a home where we didn’t even have running water until I was in the 8th grade. I knew nothing but poverty. As a 5-yr-
old I was forced to get up at 5:30 AM to do my share of the farming chores. Most Christmases I got a new pair of blue jeans – my one gift for a non-joyous occasion. I was not allowed to wear neckties or fancy clothes. Because of my parents’ legalistic religious beliefs I was not allowed to go to movies, dances or sporting events. Our home was rigid and somber – little laughter. I received zero in financial help for college from my parents. I hated the cold weather in Ohio. If only I had been born into a family with more opportunity –
Or
In my family we learned how to make good use of everything – nothing was wasted. We grew our own food and I created toys from things other families discarded. As a small boy I had the opportunity to experience real work and to begin my commitment to work that was meaningful – and profitable. With no TV or radio in our house I became an avid reader and that opened me up to a wealth of wisdom and knowledge that continues to serve me well today. I worked right through my college years and valued the education I was paying for myself. My father’s devotion to his religious views prompted me to deep study to formulate beliefs I could be equally committed to. Today I value the work ethic and the uncompromising integrity I learned in that strict Amish/Mennonite environment. As my own man I wore neckties until I came to the realization that there was more than legalism to provide reason for not wearing the silly things. The creativity and ingenuity I experienced as a child has served me in a thousand ways in helping me “see” opportunities others miss.
Both of those versions of my life are equally true. If you’d just met me, which of those stories would make you want to get to know me more? Which one do you think makes me more confident, happier and gives me more energy today?
Out of those stories also come the core message that I have leveraged into the business I have today:
- Don’t be a victim
- Accept responsibility for the life you have
- See things in ways other people miss
- Mindset is more important than circumstances
- We can determine our own future
And central to everything I do is this:
The story you tell yourself reinforces where you are – and what your future will be.
What is your story? Even if you lost your job, your dog died, you’ve got heartburn and they repossessed the truck – what story do you want to be replaying in your mind to move to a higher level of success? What picture are you presenting to others? If you’re telling yourself an unhealthy story of your life it will perpetuate the same reality. Creating a healthy story could change the way you see your life – and the way others see and respond to you.
Oh yeah – that’s me in the white shirt in the picture……….probably had a home-made slingshot in my pocket.
(Story and principle expanded in Wisdom Meets Passion)
Such a fresh and empowering perspective. Thanks, Dan.
Great article. I was blessed in so many ways growing up. However, I thought some of the things I had to do (and endure) were more of a curse at the time I went through them. I now have a perspective, as you do, of things which money cannot buy.
I notice that your mom and sister have dresses made of the same material. Let me guess: Your mom cut and sewed the dresses from material she bought “off the bolt” using a pattern she may have borrowed, purchased, or been given by someone else who had already used it to make dresses. She probably used a mechanical (not electric) Singer sewing machine with a foot pedal.
Did your parents ever buy cattle feed in print bags? The bags were use to make clothing after they were emptied of feed?
Ron – oh yeah, we cut corners everywhere we could. Mom would save tin foil – wash it and use it again. Trips to the grocery store were rare – if we couldn’t grow it, we didn’t need it.
So well put, Dan! I think much of the problem stems from our tendency to look externally for solutions, when the answers often lie within. We are quick to separate ourselves from our past, when the treasures that lie within our own story are precious and make us unique. Telling that story is what draws people to us.
Mike – so true. Every day we are writing another chapter of our story. We can’t ignore that – it’s the fabric of what moves us forward.
Great post. Most of us a mixture of positives and negatives in our upbringing. The great thing about adult life is we get to choose what we keep and what we dump. Choosing the positive perspective is our choice, our responsibility and our privilege.
Mary – well put. We get to choose what we keep – and how we frame those experiences.
My life story, comprised of joys, disappointments, pain, and opportunities to overcome is and will be a blessing to those who may hear it.
Thanks for the simple yet candid reminder….and thanks for the tip you passed along to me with respect to the question I submitted for last night’s webinar (Kary Oberbrunner)
Know this…YOU have made a difference in my life!
Thanks for this powerful post, Dan. It reminds me that my wife and I previously shared our story in terms of her struggles with a health condition. For a while, it defined us because of how it changed our lives in a negative way. Now, we mention it briefly when sharing our story, but we have recognized that it doesn’t define her, our marriage, or our lives. It has propelled her to write two cookbooks and helped drive me to develop my gift as a writer and to embrace life with intention.
I love this post, Dan. For many years I chose to use the negative story of my life to excuse my behavior. In the last few years I have chosen to participate in the positive side of it and it has changed the way I see the world, but more importantly the way I can impact the world. Your healthy way of seeing the world has impacted many, including me. Thank you.
I was actually searching for how to create a life biography video and found this page. If anyone has any thoughts on who to contact for this please let me know. My aunt has a great life story and I’d like to find a way to professionally record it in the New York City area. thanks!