You’ve heard the story about a man riding a horse at breakneck speed. It appears he’s going someplace very important. A man standing along the roadside shouts, “Where are you going?” To which the rider yells back, “I don’t know. Ask the horse.”
This seems to be essentially the story I’m hearing from lots of people today. They’re riding the horse of circumstances, their habits or other people’s expectations. If that describes you, it’s time to grab the reins and move your life in the direction you really want to go.
I’m currently working with a very prominent lady – the CEO of an international company. But recent events are signaling that it’s time for her to exit and map out a better fit for her work and life direction. And she’s convinced she has no choice but to stay and see how things play out. As part of my follow up letter I wrote,
“Please be aware of how often you say ‘I had no choice.’ You said that multiple times yesterday and I cringed each time. Regardless of the events that have unfolded, when you say ‘I have no choice’ you are giving up control to circumstances or other people. And with that you will in fact be a victim of circumstances – and thus become a puppet of outside forces. You always have a choice – and I want you to recognize that in every situation you can choose. The options may look grim but you still get to choose as you move ahead.”
One of the defining moments of my life occurred when I was about 13 years old. The direction of my life was pretty clear. My dad was a farmer – and he expected me to help him and to eventually take over the family farm. I acknowledged that because of my circumstances and the family I was born into, farming would in fact be my future.
Then I somehow got a copy of the little 33.3 rpm recording of Earl Nightingale called The Strangest Secret. The central message was this – We become what we think about. That opened a door to a whole new world of possibilities for me that has never been closed.
What are you thinking about? If your mind is controlled by the bad economy, the hateful Clinton-Trump political rantings, the unemployment, the unfairness of the company, the hurt of a past relationship, or the limitations of your formal education, your “horse” will be taking you toward scarcity, misery, and unhappiness. You’ll convince yourself you have no choice.
I hear statements like these every day:
- I shouldn’t have taken this job I hate – but I had no choice.
- I didn’t want to finance a new car but I had no choice.
- I didn’t want to borrow $100,000 for my academic degree but I had no choice.
- I didn’t want to file bankruptcy but I had no choice.
- I did’t want to over borrow for the house we have but I had no choice.
- I didn’t intend to get behind on my IRS payments but I had no choice.
And of course that’s never true. We always have choices. Don’t give up control of your life by saying “I have no choice.” List three alternatives for any decision you’re confronting. Think you’re trapped in a horrible job? List three things you could do tomorrow morning other than going to that job.
Today, I again enjoy many things about farm life, and love the pleasures of living in the country on our little farm. But what I saw as limitations are gone. Today I choose to have a John Deere tractor and make time to enjoy a little mowing, a little planting and the creation of the beautiful gardens that grace our property.
Where is your thinking taking you? Is some wild horse of circumstances misdirecting you, or are you moving exactly in the direction of your dreams? What choices are you making about the life you’re living?
Dan, what a great picture imagine about the reigns and horse – it seems so obvious when seen this way. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!!!
List three alternatives to the choice you’re facing. As always very clear and easy to do. I often think about the way you and JoAnn make decisions. You give yourselves 2 weeks to talk it over and then times up and its time to pull the trigger.
What do you think’s your life’s course
Your direction, what is the force
Are you spending your day
In a deliberate way
Or are you on a runaway horse
Cliff,
So poignant as always.
Love the horse analogy! Thank you for sharing your interaction with your coaching client…I’ve been guilty of saying the same words she said. Time to change my attitude. Thank you.
Melissa – you’ll never be able to say that again without thinking about the absurdity of it.
Awesome! Thank you for sending me in the direction of Kary Oberbrunner and Author Academy Elite. It is leading me in the direction I want to go. So true about visualization.
Sadly, for the first 18 years after college I always took jobs other people thought I should take. It’s not their fault, they were only trying to help. Finally, on my 40th birthday, I leaned back in my chair at work and said to myself out loud, “There’s got to be a better way to spend my life.” I was making decent money as an Area Manager but the position meant about 95% of my phone calls were dealing with irate customers.
My kids were getting into their preteen years and I was not going to be one of those fathers who says later in life, I wish I had spent more time with my kids.
So, working 70 hours a week, plus travel time, I went back to school to earn a masters degree in an area I wanted. That may sound selfish but being able to spend time with my wife going to my kid’s soccer games, basketball games, track meets, weekend camping trips, birthday parties, help my aging parents, and not being exhausted and angry because I hate my job, doesn’t seem selfish to me.
I’m now in my 50’s, an empty nester, spending tons of time with wife and saying to myself, “I’m so glad I did it.” Plus I’m always in a good mood, rested, and love my job. People ask me when I plan to retire, I tell them I have no plans to retire because I love what I do. Besides, I’m making the most money with the least amount of expenses. Also, why would I retire, take a big pay cut and get a part-time job I probably wouldn’t like.
So the moral of the story; better late than never.
Dave
Thank you, Dave, for the inspiration. Sometimes we feel we’re so very late so why even bother. Stories such as yours give hope and I thank you for that.
For years I didn’t even realize there WAS a horse. I thought I was merely standing in place while the world was zooming by. In the last couple of years, by following you and others in this amazing community I begun to see the horse and I’m slowly learning how to take control over my life. THANK YOU so much