This is a guest post by Joanne Miller. She is my wife and affectionately known as Queen Mother in the 48Days community. She writes, serves the needs of others and spends time with her grandchildren.
“In a recent podcast Dan read a question from a listener who said she had been reading all the right books, going to seminars and doing many of the typical steps to elevating herself to a better, more exciting life but nothing had changed. In eight years. She is still where she was eight years ago. Dan told her what she needed to do is take action. It didn’t seem too complicated to me and certainly seemed obvious. However, in this lady’s defense, I wonder if she really understood what taking action entails? I know for many people stuck in the resistance of change, looking for ways out of the maze of sameness is very difficult. This poor lady is one in a vast sea of people who struggle with defining and attaining a more passionate life. I have not been able to get her out of my head because I have felt the need to reach out to her. Perhaps these words of encouragement will prompt her, and many others like her, to take action:
Define what you want. You can’t take action when you don’t know what you are striving for. Take time to write a list of what you want to be, do, accomplish, build, etc. Make that list as grandiose as you want but really search your heart about what would make you feel more alive. More vibrant. What do you have on your “Bucket List”? If you want a better job, what does that mean? Better in what way? If you want to travel more, where do you want to go and why? Write down your dreams, your fantasies, your desires no matter how silly or far-fetched you think they might be.
Do something that “stretches” you. Take an art class. Yes, I am serious. Don’t argue that you “don’t have a creative bone in my body”! That’s hogwash. Everyone has it in them and yet many never explore their inner Creative. Take lessons from someone who knows how to help you see differently. I recommend Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain classes (or at the very least, get the book by that name by Betty Edwards and devour it) In learning something totally different from your norm and outside your typical comfort zone you will learn several very important things about yourself:
You will no doubt discover you have more ability than you think you do.
You will look at problem solving differently because you will sharpen your confidence in your gut instinct.
You will learn to look at the world very differently, with new eyes. That may sound hokey but I can pretty much guarantee it is true. Developing your right brain opens up a whole new world of high definition and surround sound.
You will become braver and more confident in your abilities. That new confidence helps propel you to explore new things. Have new adventures.
You will find a joy you have forgotten because you will rediscover the importance of PLAY and PLAY is in integral part of a well-balanced life.
Find new friends. I know that sounds harsh. But “water seeks its own level”. If you are still hanging out with the same group of friends with whom you have continually expressed your disappointments in life, chances are you are all just rehashing the same monotonous dialog and going nowhere with it. Seek new friendships with people you see are happy and excited about life. Those people will fan the spark in you to step out of your daily comfort zone. You don’t have to dump your old friends but you can limit your time spent with them.
Look at what you have done the last five years. Have you changed ANYTHING? Your hair style? Your daily routine? Your friendships? Your mode of transportation? If you are truly serious about attaining greater success and happiness, start with easy changes to make. Keep looking for ways to shake up your sameness and you will discover the confidence to take the harder steps to greater adventures.
STOP telling yourself you are miserable. STOP telling yourself you can’t do it. STOP filling your head with negatives. Start putting a dollar in a jar for every time you tell yourself you CAN do it; for every time you tell yourself you ARE awesome, you ARE brilliant, you ARE amazing. There is a lot to be said for “self-fulfilled prophecy” and the more you label yourself in negative terms the more you insure those labels are truth. Strive to fill that dollar jar with money to buy yourself some “Positive” experiences as a reward for your change of attitude.
Be on continual lookout for helping hands. I promise you they are out there. Be aware. There are people who want to help you. There are events and circumstances that are happening around you almost daily that will be positive steps to achieving your goals. You have to expect them. Anticipate them. You have to get up every morning and tell yourself you are an open vessel to recognize and receive whomever and whatever God has put in your path that is a helping hand to reaching your greatest desires. If you approach your life in this way I truly believe you will see incremental increases in your happiness and contentment levels.
You can read all the books in the world on positive thinking, how to achieve success and how to be a more fulfilled person. But unless you take action and DO things to make the necessary changes in your life you will spend the rest of your days in Groundhog Day. And, the truth is, it’s no one’s fault but your own.”
Thank you Joanne for sharing with us! I truly feel blessed today as this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear to prompt me to take action. It’s as if you were inside my mind!
Mike, You are welcome! I’m glad you were open to hearing what you needed to hear! Thanks for your comment.
Great post. You spoke directly to me about taking action. I read another blog post today and it talked about taking action. This is a sign for me to put away the how to books and blogs and take action.
Oh, yes, Bernard. You are so right. Often we get “nudged” in the right direction repeatedly and fail to see it for what it is. Congratulations for recognizing that the answer is right before you! So glad I could help.
You are so right Joanne. The lady you mentioned probably thought she was taking action just by buying books, reading them and attending seminars. Of course, that is not enough to shift one’s personal paradigm.
I so agree, Clark. And I think you are right. I suspect many people buy a book or attend a seminar and expect their life to change only to forget their own responsibility to “take action”. It’s like buying a treadmill and never getting on and wondering why your body isn’t changing. Thanks for the comment!
Action is the answer yet I wonder why I don’t act sometimes? I think the answer for me and some other people is focus; focusing on failure after failure. At some point you give up trying. I may want to believe but I can look at my checkered track record and ask, “Why bother?”
My friend Doug Wead says, “We would never put our children’s ‘F’ on our refrigerator so why do we put our own ‘F’ (failures) in a place where we can see them?”
Also, I need hope. Hope can get me moving. “It’s possible” can motivate me to try. Without hope and all attention given to my failures I can then read positive books and dream…and wish for a better life. But with hope I can take action, like an ant does daily moving one grain of sand at a time which can eventually build a castle.
I appreciate all the hope you and Dan have given me.
Thanks, Sutton. Dan and I have seen, first hand, how our failures have simply been the stepping stones (the education) to create future success. (And trust me, it was NOT all fun!) It’s like Edison said……he hadn’t experienced thousands of failures making the lightbulb, he had simply discovered thousands of ways it would not work….and he kept striving towards his goal. You are right. Focus is important. But not focusing on the faillures…focusing on the goal and striving to get there one day at a time. You have what it takes, Sutton. We have seen it in you. Believing in yourself is an important piece to this process. Life is full of “experiments” and often one doesn’t find what works best for them until they have had a lot of “experiments” and experiences. Thanks for this insightful comment!
I sometimes wonder if it’s lack of clarity. I started a similar journey about 6 years ago and don’t feel like I’m all that further ahead than when I started cramming my brain full of good stuff.
That said I did start taking action-a bunch of actions in a variety of directions…action that lacked clarity and focus.
I wonder if this woman is having a similar problem? Action needs to have some focus. And to go further, if it’s financial success, then our focused action has to be marketable.
Of course, one issue is that many of us have taken a long time to learn how NOT to live effective lives. It’s not always a quick turnaround to remove old mindsets. But I totally believe it will happen – for her, me, and all of us of we keep going and keep honing.
Brett, Lacking clarity/focus is surely an important issue. Reading your comment brought to mind that over twenty years ago I started speaking on and writing a book about Creating A Haven of Peace (In a Broken World). I thought I was ready to launch this book that had been percolating inside me for a long time. I wrote a lot and spoke to women’s groups and retreats. And then I shelved it. Life got in the way. I sometimes felt guilty for not giving that book attention. But I had life issues that needed to be dealt with (my own health issues, a drug and alcohol addicted son, a grandson with major health issues, helping Dan build a business, etc). Now, years later, I am back to finishing that book. I have felt the time is now. I have also realized I wasn’t nearly as prepared twenty years ago as I am now. I lacked the experience and the audience. Sometimes our ultimate goal takes time to percolate while we gather momentum, knowledge, wisdom and maturity. Sometimes our ultimate goal is a circuitus route but the important issue here is to KNOW what is the goal (clarity of focus) and then strive to reach it, knowing and accepting it may take some time to get there. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Thanks for this follow up comment, Joanne.
One thing that I’m fully convinced of is this: It’s better to take in positive input than negative. And over the long haul, these breadcrumbs and bits of mental nutrition will build a body of knowledge and wisdom that will bring some benefit.
Not to be too dorky here, but each of these bits is like a puzzle piece for a puzzle without that handy picture on the box top. If I trust the process and collect the puzzle pieces, there will come a time when I’ll find the box top with the clearer picture of what all the pieces can come together to create.
In the meantime… I collect pieces, pray for clarity regarding the picture on the box top, and take action and have faith. It’s much better than the direction I was heading before I started this process.
Wow, Brett, that is an amazing analogy and one that certainly makes me ponder a bit. It isn’t at all dorky and actually carries a lot of insight. There have been times when we have had individuals come to one or more of our events and seemingly don’t seem to change much in our perception. I have told Dan more than once that we never know how much that individual has learned that will one day flip the switch to greater insight and change. I do believe we are often placing pieces of our own puzzle together without really knowing the eventual outcome. I even wrote a blog on this once…..the Puzzle of Life. If you want me to send it to you, email me directly at [email protected]. I would be happy to share it with you. I love yur comments! Thanks for responding.
Joanne,
Thanks for the honesty in this post. I’ve followed Dan for years and I have yet to hear about issues with your son. I love the transparency and honesty that I receive from the entire Miller family. I love reading how each member of the family has followed their passion and how each one is embraced and included in some way back at 48Days.
The wisdom included in each newsletter is amazing! And I hope one day I get to meet the entire family. Until then, I have fired myself from a safe job, and my wife and I are trying to follow our own dreams. We do not wish to keep up with the Jonses and we are trying to truly enjoy the journey. You and your family has helped encourage us. It is a blessing to see how you have held a family and marriage together through all the ups and downs
Thank you!
Jeff G.
Thank you so much for providing this much needed clarification. I’ll be saving this post so that I can refer back to it.
Sereena, You are welcome. I hope it helps you recognize the importance of taking action in many areas of your life….and I hope you will be successful in the process. Bless you. jfm
Great post, Joanne. Looking around my home office recently I realized I’m blessed with a superabundance of continuing ed. resources, many online. 48 Days has pointed out in the past the easy availability of virtual mentors through books, pod casts, webinars, etc. Fantastic resources and guidance. However, with that abundance of ed. material comes a tendency to be “just” a permanent student and delay taking action. It is almost as if, by reading about the good thing you’re supposed to do, you feel as if you’ve already done it, without ever taking the action. Boy, do I understand the fear! It is so freeing to set up some action points and get out there and do them. It may take a little while for the momentum to pick up but it will. I am reaping the benefits of stepping through the fear and into some rewarding work opportunities as a writer and speaker. Sure, I won’t get everything right, but neither does everybody else, how wonderful to just be human, step out and do our best with God given creativity. A few things done, in spite of fear, this year—speaking at a state education convention in a couple weeks, developing curriculum for this (never done that before!), 2 articles accepted by a German Christian women’s magazine, 2 new memoir clients and a content marketing contract. Continuing to grow, stretch and learn keeps us vibrant and the fear can be used as a catalyst for a move in a new, exciting direction. Thank you for continuing to challenge me!
Congratulations Karen!
Karen, Wow! Sounds like you are well on your way to taking action! You will find, as you get some experience under your belt, that your self-confidence will increase and that alone will help propell you to step up to the plate even bolder and bigger. I remember when I wrote my first children’s book. It was a HUGE deal. Took a couple of years to do. But those two years would have gone by regardless and to look back and know what I accomplished propelled me to write three more…and then a grown up book. And I have done so much since then..speaking, blogging, writing, etc. Stetching and pushing yourself is necessary but the rewards are awesome. Congratulations on what you are doing. I wish you great success. Onward and Upward!!
I love this post Joanne. You’re so right, many of us need to ‘shake ourselves up’ and take action. We have sometimes been in the same ‘rut’ for so long it’s difficult to see how we can take things a little farther and make our lives a little (a lot?) more like we want them to be.
You are right, Charlotte. The first step is to look at where you are and where do you want to be. What do you want your life to look like? What little step can you take to get started? Any positive action gets you closer. Thanks for the comment.
Thank you for this post, Joanne! I am actually reading your book, Be Your Finest Art, right now, and loving it! It is an absolutely beautiful book! I never considered myself a creative until I started actively writing and now I am dying to explore where else I can be creative, starting with a photography class on Udemy! You give some great, practical tips above, keep writing!
Thanks, Micki! So glad you are enjoying the book. Dorsey and I have had so many positive comments from others who have wondered what they might have buried inside they haven’t yet released or explored. Good luck with the photography class! Keep creating and remember always to PLAY!
Thank you Joanne and Charlotte!
So inspiring! This is my kind of talk! ACTION is where it’s at. Thank you, Joanne!
Jevonnah, You, my friend, are a shining example of one who has taken action! And I am so excited for you. You are doing so much to change the lives of everyone who comes in contact with you. Bless you for all you do!
I love reading things like this, but I am so stuck! I don’t have a formal education, but have dabbled in so many things on some level, from real estate to insurance to teaching. I love teaching, but I hate to admit it because everyone assumes I want to teach children (yes, I home school). I don’t want to teach children! HA! I am almost 48 and still don’t know what I want out of life that could profit me financially. My husband is about to face his 4th layoff in his 28 year career, so once again, we have to start over. It is exhausting and costly. We have spent so much time chasing our tails and dying to dreams that I don’t know that we will every find our niche. He is an incredibly talented singer but aside from the worship team at our church, he has no outlet that is viable for any income. I just don’t know what to do with what we already have, must less know where to take ACTION. We are still financially dealing with his last layoff from a job that brought us to TN. We are officially in scared mode, fearful that we will not ever be able to retire. Not sure where to start. Just really tired of being where we are.
Oh, LouAnn, I have been in your shoes in “scared mode” and “being tired of being where we are.” I am currently writing a book on living with a serial entrepreneur…..the ups and downs and long years of “waiting in the desert”……and surviving and learning through it all. Dan’s newest release of 48 Days To the Work You Love (10th Anniv. Edition) has a whole chapter devoted to “Yes, I Do Have An Education”. You have had many years of education, whether “formal” or otherwise. And neither you nor your husband is “starting over”. You may be in another transition, but you have more and more experience every year that will build upon itself to take you closer to your goals. When I was 48 and Dan was 49, we were still trying to climb out of the financial chaos in the wake of losing a business, our house, our cars. It took us twelve years to recoup and be able to buy a house. At that time in our lives we were renting a pre-fab house and teaching a Sunday School class on Career/Life 101. We taught a lot from our experience having built and lost a business and how we kept our family intact in spite of all the upheaval, moves, loss. That material was the beginning of Dan’s first and most successful book, 48 Days To the Work You Love. We had no idea, at the time, where we were headed. No thoughts of turning our teaching into a best-selling book….and business. It evolved. One thing we have learned is to not take any of life’s encounters or circumstances for granted. Everything and everyone we come in contact with teaches us….everyday. We just have to be open to learning and growing. Sometimes it takes the first fifty years of our lives to get educated. Then we can finally get into the best phase of our lives……I pray that is the case for you and your family. The best is yet to come.
WOW!!! I had no idea! I read Dan’s blogs and when my hubby lost his job in 2008, I joined 48Days.net. While the “connections” were inspiring, we simply did not know what to really do with all the encouragement. That is that “stuck” place. I will get his 10th Anniversary edition. Believe it or not, way back when Dan was selling the 48 Days kit for only $10 and I bought a bunch of them and gave them as gifts! I honestly did not think we had anything worth while to contribute beyond the “daily grind” of less than fulfilling job. I thought our lot in life was always to struggle and be broke. I am only now beginning to see that maybe there really is more. Our faith in God is being challenged in so many ways, which is always a good thing, but never an easy one. Thank you for your encouragement. I won’t sit idly by this time. Our pastor challenged us last night to press in to all that God has for us. I know He has not forgotten us. 🙂
Oh wow, Joanne, I love this! So true!!!
I’m experiencing success in my marriage and family/parenting like never before because I made some hard, HARD changes. Sometimes change requires drawing a line in the sand & making a commitment to not cross it, no matter what. Change is painful, harsh, agonizing…but so worth it. We can’t change the people around us, but when we choose to change SELF, the people around us have to learn new dance steps. Pushing toward change can mean we have to endure long, long, LONG seasons of challenge and difficulty; withstanding naysayers and critics. Taking action isn’t easy — but yes, it is always worth it!
I so agree, Teri. Change comes easier for some than for others but it can be hard regardless. And yes, the best way to take positive action in any situation is to concentrate on change in yourself. Trying to change everyone else is futile. It seems like most of us learn that the hard way…..but hopefully we do learn. Taking action….ANY action….takes courage, determination and work. Sometimes very hard work…..and that is why some simply don’t change. They don’t want to work hard enough to bring about the desired results. Thanks for your great comment.
Love, love, love, this post Joanne. Appreciate the kick in the butt you CAN do it message. So many times we get caught up into what we can’t do or what we are not that we forget to become empowered by stating what we CAN do and what we ARE. There are so many things to comment back on here that I am going to end it here, but know I am cheering you on reading!!!! THANK YOU for the great post!
Jen
Thanks, Jen. Our kids grew up believing they are AmeriCANs, not AmeriCAN’T’s……..Sometimes it is easiest to just remain a victim because it takes a lot of work and effort to become a victor. But the result is worth the effort and YOU, my dear friend, are a great example of working hard to reach your desired goals. You are the definition of an AmeriCAN! Thanks for your comment!
Great practical post that gets right down the the nuts and bolts of application, which is the essence of what you are talking about anyway. Love it!
Thanks, Ashley…..You get it. And I’m proud of you!
Great article. Most of us need to simply take action instead of trying to obtain more information. Much like living the Christian life, we already know more than we are doing.
Wow…..great analogy. Yes, if we really put into practice all we truly know about living the Christian life, we would not have war, bickering, divorce, abuse, etc……Gathering information is good. We want to be life-long learners…..However, there comes a time when we need to put away the books and put into practice what we have learned. Sometimes that is when our REAL education begins! Thanks for the great comment, Ron!
She’s in good company. And I can relate. All the steps in the world won’t overcome having a strong enough…WHY. Simon Sinek’s focus. Come up with a big enough why and you’ll do what it takes. Without it…it’s all pissin’ in the wind, eh? This lady doesn’t have a why that’s stronger than her present circumstances. I don’t know if I’ve grown and matured much in past years in any way that’s as important as…getting more focused on…why. Thanks for spurring the conversation Mom.
You are right…..sometimes people simply get bogged down in comfortable misery because they don’t have a big enough reason to move on…..and that leaves them unfulfilled and often depressed. And, unfortunately, those same people usually blame everyone else for their misfortune. Thanks Kevin for your comment!
I appreciate the article and I am fortunate that after many years of planning and hard work I am able to look forward to each day to doing work I love. I volunteer as a Front Line Crisis worker and I think that we forget that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that weigh so heavy on people that it is indeed a tremendous struggle to get out of the mire and sometimes almost impossible for a season. In my coaching I always remind people that God still has a plan and they are still on target and with the help of supportive people they can move ahead. The timeline might just be a lot longer.