[powerpress]
Joanne and I address the negative spouse issue. Two months ago my podcast theme was Stay Away From Negative People. I talked about my 3-hour rule where I’ll spend 3 hours a year with negative friends but certainly not 3 days or 3 weeks on a vacation.
Well, I knew there was the elephant in the room and didn’t address it fully. I had a whole lot of you ask this question:
“Dan, I just listened to your podcast about staying away from negative people. What if the negative person is my wife?”
I got both – what if it’s my wife, and what if it’s my husband? And I heard from people who said, “Dan, I am the negative one. How can I stop?”
In this episode I asked my wife Joanne to join me and respond to the wisdom you, the listeners, submitted.
Renowned businessman Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”
Here’s a recap of the 5 steps for addressing negativity in a marriage relationship:
- Recognize “security” is not just money in the bank. Emotional security includes affirmation, support and encouragement.
- Acknowledge different personality styles. There are not “good or bad” , “right or wrong” styles – just different. See the added value of having different perspectives.
- Look for the “fear” behind the negativity. Have you let the person down at previous times?
- Recognize not hitting a goal is not always “failure.” It may be the very step required for your ultimate success.
- Listen more talk less. Let your actions convince your spouse rather than your words.
Check out all these Resources to move you toward your dreams:
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Very insightful thoughts on this episode. I appreciate the idea that security is about much more than money. You can provide a lot of security to your spouse whether or not your financial circumstances are good right now.
How sweet! 100% demonstration of Love for each other to be willing to bring up tender topics for the sake of community! Much for me to be quite and listen and I’m single. You both are dear and a cute and youthful couple! Who can we turn to at every step when feeling and taking lumps who reminds us we can do nothing on our own pride? We know who and Psalm 23 tells us wonderfully! Thank you Gentleman and Lady! Lord Bless you and FAM!
Loved this episode for so many reasons…not only for the message itself (which was priceless) but listening to the two of you is such a blessing. The respect for each other is shown in every word. I admire the two of you so much! 🙂
The five people I spend the most time with are my 5 little children. So… I “am” basically a four year old right now, hahahaha. I’ve never accepted that quote because it kicks moms right out of the game of excellence. How would you approach starting a business or career in writing if you were the home schooling mother of five? =) I work part time, also from home, but as a virtual assistant. Do I have to quit my job in order to gain enough time to actually focus on writing and business for an hour or two each day? It really feels like it right now, but seems like not the smartest move. My husband works 60 hours/ week. I am still determined to make it work somehow!
Savor this “season” of your life. Nothing is more important than those 5 little children – but that doesn’t mean you have to put your life and dreams on hold until they are grown. Many women lose a sense of what those dreams were if they do that. Just identify how much time is reasonable to devote to your business or writing for right now. With 4-5 hours a week you can still make significant progress and feel connected to your passion.
Thank you so much for that excellent, warm, and sincere advice, Dan. It was a long time ago, but I just saw this, and I really appreciate your response. You are right. I DO savor this season (I wish it were the ONLY thing I had to do!–Motherhood is my favorite!) and I CAN make progress in writing and encouraging other moms in the margins. You are a blessing. Thanks again.