Here’s a question from a reader – an accountant. (We’ll call her Angela)
“I’m at a job that I hate mainly because I feel like every day I’m set up to fail. There’s no job satisfaction. I go to work and try my best but the bosses and organization demand excellence in everything that we do. That is a good goal to have but there’s no way to accomplish all that needs to be and do it perfectly. ………So why would God place me in a situation like that for 8yrs??”
Angela, be very careful about asking “why God put you in this place?” I certainly believe God is omnipotent – but I don’t think He micromanages the little details in our lives. I think our own decisions lead us to where we are. But that’s hopeful, because you can make new decisions that put you in a different place. Don’t wait for supernatural movement — just start by seeing what you can do to move yourself in a new direction in the next 30-60 days.
When I found myself at the negative end of a business deal a few years ago with $430,000 owed to creditors I’m sure I could have asked, “Why did God do this to me?” But instead, the next morning I looked at the guy in the mirror. And I asked myself about the series of decisions I had made that put me in that position. In reading Proverbs each day I was amazed to see the biblical principles I had violated in getting me to that unfortunate crisis. God had not done that to me. I simply made decisions that resulted in that end result. And I very quickly made decisions to walk out of that horrible experience.
Sometimes we assume that our current situation reflects random, individual, disconnected events – or God maliciously making our life miserable. But none of those are likely true. Rather, we are where we are because each decision we make is a step in a particular direction. And over time that direction determines our position in our work, our finances, our health, our relationships and our spiritual well-being. If you think God did this to you, then it justifies doing nothing until God changes your situation. And in doing nothing I see people open the door to blaming, resentment, anger, guilt and depression. I think God deserves better from us.
Sometimes we can simply reframe how we talk about what we are doing. Instead of saying “I have to go to work today,” try saying “I get to go to my job today where I see people I believe in and where I get a paycheck that provides for the needs of my family. I choose to do my job with excellence and to elevate the quality of what my team is doing.”
You can look back and see how the decisions you’ve made have gotten you to where you are. If you don’t like the direction those are taking you, make some new choices to put yourself on a different path? Don’t continue in misery and blame God for putting you there. It’s an unrealistic and unhelpful attempt to shift responsibility.
Perspective is POWERFUL!!! As you know we had a similar situation however I fell into the oh no I am stuck in this for the rest of my life mode before deciding to take ownership of the changes. Pain can be a powerful motivator, attitude on how we approach it moves us from running away from a problem to running to a solution.
THANK YOU Dan as you have played a major part of helping me shift my attitude and perspective in several areas of my life. Keep up the awesome work and THANK YOU for doing what you do for many!
Jen – thanks so much for your reflection and input here. Yes, attitude and perspective are SO important in determining our future.
Dan,
I have seen historically that we desire to blame something or someone else for our position in life. Since God is readily available, He makes an excellent scape goat. Great insight and much needed reminder, thanks.
Aaron,
Yep – it’s so natural to try to blame something outside of ourselves for where we are. Thanks for your comments.
I have found, from my own experiences, God does not DO things to us so much as he prepares us for what is to come. How we react while he is preparing us determines our outlook and what comes next. If you think “Why has God done this to me'” you are expecting God to bless you before you are prepared for that blessing. If you think “God is preparing me, but am I doing my part” you realize before you are blessed God is expecting something of you BEFORE you can receive that blessing. Thanks Dan for the inspiration and the reminder.
Alan – thanks for your input here. I know it’s a tough challenge to believe God knows and cares about us but then not to blame Him when things go awry.
We are just as much part of the problem as we are part of the solution.
Dan, you are so right on. Looking back on my life I can see where I have made decisions that caused other events to happen, not God.
Now, I seek God before deciding and then move forward. It makes the journey very rewarding in many ways.
Dan, I can especially relate to your point “If you think God did this to you, then it justifies doing nothing until God changes your situation.” When I felt trapped working inside a toxic environment for over two years, I can recall feeling the walls of my office slowly closing in on me because I was constantly being undermined and could do nothing right. This, in turn, caused me to shy away from relationships with family and friends and avoid anything and everyone at all costs because I felt alone and no one else understood my situation. I began to gain weight, became unproductive around the house, and just felt like a shell of the happy, optimistic person I once was. Worst of all, though, I grew angry at God. I remember when something bad would happen I would look up at the sky and angrily say things like “I’m a Christian and a good person. Why is this happening to me?” and the ever so popular “What did I do to deserve this?” What I ultimately discovered was that I had to look myself in the mirror one day and admit that I was the problem and nothing or no one else. That immediately brought forward a flash of optimism because I realized that I was also the solution. I began to evaluate where I wanted to be in life and decided I was going to begin setting goals and read inspirational material. This eventually led to me discovering Dan’s 48 Days book, leaving my job to focus on finding something better, and in exactly 48 Days after I left I was able to find work in an outstanding environment in which I am still employed today! The bottom line here is that instead of blaming God for our current situation, we should be thanking him and rejoicing in the fact that he has allowed to seek the answers within to find THE solution!
Jarrod – thanks so much for sharing that! Funny how things can change when we accept responsibility, and realize we can open the door to new possibilities as well.
Dan- If I ask God to help me with the situation I’m in (ie helping me pay my cell and home phone bills so I can keep in touch with my son who is home alone sometimes), but then if He doesn’t help me, I feel resentful. Just being honest. How doi get beyond that?
Brian – when you pray for God to “help” you pay your bills what does that actually mean? I assume you don’t expect to go to the mailbox and find $100 bills there. Doesn’t asking God to help you ultimately mean you want to have a better attitude, ask for referrals from you current customers, or read a book on finding new opportunities? Things you can choose to do right now? Doesn’t asking God to help us express our desire for Him to help us see the resources he’s already provided?
Dan- I have no money to pay these bills, so yes I have been hoping for a bit of help by divine intervention (or any other means possible)!
Brian – I love hoping, wishing and dreaming as ways to show my optimism. But they are clearly not strategies. If I don’t have money to pay bills I’m going to move directly to a strategy for generating income. I’m not going to hope to win the lottery or to kick a bag full on money on the sidewalk. This is a dicey issue and a lot of people “depend” on God in ways that I don’t fully understand. And most of them end up angry at God for not providing.
I appreciate what y you are saying Dan. I’ve been trying to find a second job to help with income for the future. I’m just looking for a little help right now, that’s all.
Brian,
If it is a time that income is not meeting the expenses, you may want to re-evaluate your budget and what you can trim. As an example, you might eliminate a home phone and just have a cell. We did this to launch and bootstrap our new business and were surprised how little we could live on. God promises to provide our needs but we have to be wise in how we use those resources. More income may be the next step, but look at what you have been provided already and how you use it in the short term. Dan’s friend, Dave Ramsey, can provide a lot of help in that area.
Hi Brian,
I certainly understand the disappointment,discouragement and confusion you deal with when God fails to meet your expectations of answering your prayers. I recorded a very transparent podcast episode about a year ago about having faith in failure and failed expectations.
http://www.movedbypurpose.net/faith-failure/
I work very closely with people needing help to release resentment and unforgiveness and to walk in the abundant life Christ died for us to have.
True heart transformation is when you can truly praise God even when the land is barren. Read Habakuk 3:17-19
Once you get past offense, fear of loss, and other hang ups that hold you back from living like a victor in life (rather than a victim) breakthrough comes.
I do a lot of work with people on transforming their mind, heart and attitude so they are in position to recieve revelation on their God given purpose.
You can check out my website movedbypurpose.net
Or my group on 48days.net called purposeful, passionate, prosperous
I’m not trying to be a victim. .I’m trying to get help for my current situation!
Amen! This is something I share with my patients – if you don’t like the view it is up to you to change the scenery! Sometimes this advice is well received and sometimes I get a look like I’m speaking a foreign language. I just wrote something along these same lines – our best counter to CHANCE is CHOICE.
Clark,
As you know so well as a medical doctor, many people enjoy being the victim. They want to hang on to their problems and maladies and elicit sympathy for all their suffering.
So true!
Dan, Am faced with a similar situation. First, my internal customers at work evaluated me highly, one department commenting ” I wish we could clone Mark”. In the last 3 years I have been saddled with an incompetent manager and 2 incompetent co-workers, areas I cannot control. My doing? I think not. I do admit, I am not captive, and have to make choices, but this was not a result of my performance.
Perhaps all of you who believe God does not cause or direct our lives for His Glory or purpose should read the Bible. There is account after account of people who God used for His purpose. They did not turn to people who make a living selling positive attitude messaging or providing so-called Christian counseling, no, they walked with God and overcame the great challenges He presented to them.
To think, as a Christian, that God does not guide your life or put you in situations that may be less than comfortable, then you are sadly mistaken and living your will and not His. Do I think that it is wrong to get Godly counseling to help us back into God’s will, absolutely not. Do I think my mistakes are not my personal responsibility, no, but let me add that the major mistakes I made in my life were me not obeying God’s will.
So, if you mistakenly think God is not a part of your everyday life, I strongly advise you to quit listening to this World and seeker sensitive preachers and get back to the Word. It is the only Truth.
I totally believe God knows and cares about every move I make, and every thought I have. But I don’t believe He treats me as a puppet my moving me around or making me suffer. I believe He gives us the will and ability to study His word and ways and then to make decisions in line with those.
Then I gather from your reply that you don’t believe the story of Moses, Noah,, David, Daniel, Mary , Joseph etc? The Jewish people wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because they had nothing better to do? Then I can assume from your reply that God got out of the lives of His children after the death and ressurection of Jesus?
I don’t believe that because I believe what the Bible says, not what a few people think.
I respect your work and think you are a Godly man that inspires people to better themselves, I just question your theology.