The old John Belushi movie, Animal House, really has no positive qualities that I can remember. It glorified the worst of college life, complete with all the abuses immature students can dream up. The Dean shares the latest grade point averages with one of the fraternity leaders: “Here are your grade point averages. Mr. Kroger: two C’s, two D’s and an F. That’s a 1.2. Congratulations, Kroger. You’re at the top of the Delta pledge class.”
But there is one line in that movie that has always jumped out at me.
One of the fraternity boys is inviting his girlfriend to the upcoming toga party. She’s trying to convince him he’s more mature than that. But he says, “It’s a fraternity party. I’m in the fraternity. How can I miss?” And in a line of movie genius she quickly replies, “I’ll write you a note. I’ll say you’re too well to attend.”
I know, it’s a phrase that doesn’t roll off our tongue – it sounds funny to even say it because it seems to counter-intuitive. But what is being “normal” getting you?
It seems we can easily use “I’m too sick to go” or some version of that without thinking twice. But what about the reverse? — “I’m to well to go.” I know I can recall how much time I’ve wasted in poorly planned meetings, argumentative and unproductive church “business” sessions, or in attending things that called my maturity into question?
Perhaps you should be “too well” to continue in a job that reduces you to boredom, resentment and frustration. What about being “too well” to join in the gossip around the office? Maybe you should pass on the invitation you get for the after work stopover. What about the recommended evening activities at the convention you’re attending? Maybe your book would get written if you were “too well” to commit to meaningless social events.
Isn’t it interesting how many times we hear someone say, “I’ll try to come” or “I’m not feeling up to it tonight?” We accept those subtle excuses for not participating. Maybe we should allow the honest feedback that is embraced in “I’m too well to attend.”
Greetings Dan,
I love this post! It hits close to home in several ways. First, the unproductive meetings are time wasters and really can be demoralizing to a team. Also the boredom, resentment and frustration of which you speak is familiar. We who desire more satisfying work must heed these signals viewing them as important feedback. From my point of view the status quo of the workplace would have those of us with such feelings believe we are in the wrong. It has occurred to me that it all begins with mindset. Life should be seen as an adventure not merely an endurance test. Thanks for the post!
Wow! I really liked that post! Thank you for writing that! Your post reminds me of how often, over the years, I felt mentally pressured to be part of activities that didn’t really serve me (and now, when looking back, those particular activities didn’t seem to serve anyone else either). I can feel that I’m on the verge of receiving a new job (after 3 additional post graduate semesters of college) through returning to my social work roots in a new way. Your ideas are ones to keep in mind as also applicable to work with clients.
I like the spirit of this post but can’t imagine actually saying out loud (to my host) that I’m “too well” to attend his/her event/meeting/business function. It’s so much easier to say “I’m booked” or too busy, etc. Otherwise it sounds a little haughty… implying I’m better than you. Anyone have any ideas about how to gracefully say “no” to unwanted invitations, without lying? I want honesty, but most people like a little grace with their truth. 🙂 Also, there’s a typo (to should be too) in the 2nd sentence of the 5th paragraph.
I’ve just become straightforward… I’ll say “maybe” and don’t show up or just say NO…This should also go for BORED friends and family members who call and interrupt you constantly when you are working or engaged in some other activity…
It’s funny. I’m sitting here trying to remember when I was actually sitting in a productive meeting and I’ll be darned… I can’t think of one. I told my principal last October I am leaving education because what I am able to offer the world is infinitely more than what’s expected of me here. In a way, I guess that’s saying I’m too well to attend. 🙂
Love your line, I am leaving education because what I am able to offer the world is infinitely more than what’s expected of me here.
I love this Dan. I just did a Periscope about how to say no when you feel the pressure to say yes. It’s always better to be upfront, yet kind. When we respect our own boundaries, others can do the same.
Haha, what a great line. I can’t believe how much time I have wasted in my life with inane, short-term pleasure seeking activities which left me with less instead of more. I love this line “too well to attend”. I will use it with friends the next time a good bracer of reality is called for in response to a request to waste time better spent.
As always, Dan, you pointed out something we are too well to notice in our unproductive habits. I’ve got a new line to practice.