“Hi, Dan. I’m almost 34. For over a year, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad (four kids 6 and younger). I worked as a marketing copywriter for almost a decade with little success, even being let go from my last two positions. My last employer said he thinks I don’t like marketing. He was right, but I hesitated leaving the career that filled my resume. During the time I lost my last job, we tried finding lower rent to no avail, and my family went couch surfing for a while. My “American Dream” was becoming a nightmare. I believe this was part of God’s plan to address materialism in my heart. Nevertheless, I’m weary of dreaming again or taking risks that might harm my family. I’ve considered starting a business, going back to school, or writing novels, among others. What do you recommend for moving forward? Thank you.”
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Ouch – I grieve for you and your current situation. But your comments say more about your mindset than about your
circumstances. You have got to Change your thinking about money. Having enough money to have a place to live for your wife and 4 children is not materialism – it’s being a responsible husband and daddy. And when you don’t have a job, the solution is not to find a place with lower rent; it’s to get a job. Don’t wish for not having dreams – embrace those dreams fully and then create a clear plan of action. If you don’t take a ‘risk’ your family will continue to see the results you have now.
“Success is never an accident. It typically starts as imagination, becomes a dream, stimulates a goal, grows into a plan of action – which then inevitably meets with opportunity. Don’t get stuck along the way.” Dan Miller, author 48 Days to the Work You Love.
I understand you’re weary right now. But you’ll find new energy when you have a plan and even a little bit of success. The emotions you describe tell me clearly you’re looking back at what has already happened. As soon as you become clear on what you want your life to look like six months from now, and the steps you are going to take to make that a reality, you will experience an explosion of confidence, boldness and enthusiasm.
Please watch this 5 minute video explaining why it’s impossible for us to serve others well when our own cup is empty. Serving from a full cup.
Also, I sent you a copy of Rabbi Daniel Lapin’s book Thou Shall Prosper. Absorb the Biblical principles there to realign your thinking in ways that will release God’s abundance into your family.
Ouch, what a tough situation. Love your advice Dan of running basically to something rather than away of it as well as to overflow one’s own cup first. Perhaps getting a “job” first might be a wise buffer as it would allow room for him to then map out his dream of going on his own while taking are of his immediate family needs. Sometimes learning a whole new thing on our own can take time, and a “job” may give him that time to refill his cup. Being in that abundance mindset when making big decisions is always better than making decisions out of fear or scarcity. Thanks for sharing! If he supplied his address I would love to send him a copy of our book Living Beyond Rich if you are able to send over his address or send him my email and he can connect if interested.
Thanks!
Jen
Jen – thanks so much for your comments. I’ve connected with the young man described here to get his permission for you to send him a copy of your book. He could have been any one of thousands of guys from the description I gave as I wanted to use his situation to encourage many. But I can’t identify him to anyone without his okay.
Brilliant shepherding Dan. Thanks for speaking truth in love. BTW…looking forward to our interview together on Monday.
Thanks Kary. Yep – we’re going to talk about a seldom discussed issue in my life on Monday.
Dan,
Thank you for the ministry that you do. That is a rough situation…. And I am so glad you have the insight and encouragement to answer that question so well. I have a feeling a lot of us have people in our life that are in similar situations.
I have a friend who is working part time has two kids and a wife and it seems like he is kind of waiting for the phone to ring with someone telling him he got a job. It has been two years since he quit his residency and therefore has a heap of debt (more than my house)…. it just seems overwhelming to me. Is there a time in your life where if you are are truly a friend that you show tough love? I want to be an encouragement to him, but I feel like he needs to understand the gravity of the situation a little first.
I feel like I’m getting to a point where I’m very willing to challenge him, even if I know our relationship might be strained for a little while. He challenged me at a time when I needed it and I’m appreciative of him doing that.
Thoughts? And feel free to use this question if you would like on your podcast too.
Thank you, Dan, for using my comments and question and providing that positive encouragement not only to forget what lies behind and grab hold of what lies ahead but also to do it from a position of a full cup. Great advice.
The materialism I spoke of was not one of a responsible husband and father wanting to provide for his family (even if that was part of my ambition) but that of a man who sought satisfaction and fulfillment from my own accomplishments and the things of this world rather than from God and the good things He had already given me. The recent character-refining obstacles in my life revealed to me that I desired the big house, nice clothes, fancy cars, career success, and impressive financial portfolio (all of which would impress others) more than following the greatest commandments: loving God and loving my neighbor. I was the “big cup” from your “Serving from a Full Cup” video. These material objects became my idols, and my acquisitive heart always wanted more—I had no contentment or gratitude.
But now God has exposed my idols and exposed the materialistic desires of my heart so that I can move forward with a healthy spiritual heart that can be content and grateful for the blessings that God wants to give me. I can move forward with the mindset that providing nice things for my family “is not materialism—it’s being a responsible husband and daddy.” Thank you.
I was encouraged by your podcast “Don’t Settle for Ordinary” and your interview with Michael Hyatt. I have been drifting lately instead of living by design with focus and a plan. I’ve allowed myself to fall into the “victim of circumstances” mindset. It’s time I write out a plan for moving forward. It’s time I create clarity, act with courage, and take control. Speaking of courage, I suppose the events of the past year and a half have shown me that God is faithful: Even when I stumble, He won’t let me fall. Even if I take some risks that don’t work out, I can “be strong and courageous.” I don’t have to “fear or be in dread” because God goes with me. “He will not leave [me] or forsake [me]” (Deuteronomy 31:6). I’m getting fired up! 🙂
Thank you for your quote about success not being an accident, as well as the quote from Jim Rohn that I’ve seen elsewhere on your site: “If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary.”
Jen McDonough, thank you for wanting to help. I gave Dan the “OK” to send you my contact information. I appreciate it.
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