I frequently draw from the wisdom of the Peanuts comic strip. In one episode, Lucy announces, “Boy, do I feel crabby!”
Her little brother Linus, is quick to try to rescue his sister. “Maybe I can be of help. Why don’t you just take my place here in front of the TV while I go and fix you a nice snack? Sometimes we all need a little pampering to help us feel better.” Then Linus brings her a sandwich, a few chocolate chip cookies, and some milk.
“Now is there anything else I can get you?” he asks. “Is there anything I haven’t thought of?”
“Yes there’s one thing you haven’t thought of,” Lucy responds. And then she screams in his direction, “I don’t want to feel better!”
Lucy exemplifies a characteristic I see in a lot of people. They don’t really want to change. Bad attitudes, bad decisions, bad habits and bad results just seem to be too comfortable to risk any substantial change. I hear from people who describe in great detail the misery of their work – but given a plan to change, they do nothing. They continue in what I call “comfortable misery.” Things are bad but it gives them something to complain about and it becomes part of their identity. Poor Paul gets beat up by his boss, is underpaid and overworked – and boy, would he like to tell you all about it.
We all have things in our histories that we cannot change. We can’t change our nationality, our parents or the health we had yesterday — But we all have the ability to change our thinking, attitudes and actions today. And those will impact our results tomorrow.
In “Today Matters” John Maxwell tells the story of a 92-yr-old lady who was moving into a nursing home. As she was being wheeled down the corridor to her new room, the attendant began to describe the room. “I love it,” the old women enthused. “But you haven’t even seen the room yet,” the attendant reminded her. “That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” she replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged. It’s how I arrange my mind.”
Thank you for this reminder.
I used to say this about my mother-in-law “She isn’t happy unless she is unhappy about something.” My wife calls it the Eeyore attitude, which I definitely had and I know many others have as well. Thanks for this.
Greetings Dan,
Thanks for the wise insight. This is something that I have to work at. As I think this through, it occurs to me that if we know what triggers negativity, we can plan a healthier response or behavior in advance. Complaining is a trap, we can waste energy, repulse others, and stay stuck. Interestingly, I recently was talking to a coworker about the fact that she chooses to be positive every day. This is a choice. We have to also remember like attracts like!
Thanks,
Great reminder that we have a choice. Thanks Dan!
You may not like the state you are in
But you just sit back and grin
You are not in a bad range
So you don’t want to change
And treat improvment like it’s sin
Cliff,
Wow – I love it. So appropriate for this! Thanks for the humorous and poignant perspective.
That’s interesting. I think I’ve been where Lucy is, not wanting to feel better. Yikes. Not so much that I enjoyed the misery, but because the change was scary and overwhelming. While I aspire to be the 92 year old lady, I have many more years of practice ahead of me. It’s a good question to ask myself when I’m irritated though – is this a legitimate annoyance, or am I stuck in comfortable misery.
Holly – isn’t it great that we get to choose how we are going to feel – in advance.
It is indeed. Our choices are much more powerful than our circumstances!
I think it was a Stephen King character in one of his novels that he wrote, “Vera in a red rage is Vera fulfilled. Imbued with high purpose.” (Not sure the name was Vera). Well said, though. I try (not always successful) to go through the day with vigilance, knowing things can suddenly arise so that if and when they do, I am ready to manage it. I talk to myself a lot. 🙂