This is the time of year when we all receive an avalanche of requests for donations to worthy causes and organizations. I just got one – from a very respected men’s leadership program. The letter says surveys show the men who participate become better friends, parents, husbands, employees and bosses. I myself am a graduate of the program and totally believe in its merits. The two-year program costs each participant $345 — and they are seeking donations to allow men who “can’t afford the cost” to be included.
Now wait a minute. This is an elective program for men who are serious about growing in their home and work lives. They must be motivated to make the 
two-hour a week commitment for two years. Is it unreasonable to expect them to make the sacrifice of $3.32 a week as well? Shall we go pick them up and feed them breakfast as well? Frankly, I don’t think this fits the model of someone who will benefit from such a program. It requires a 6:00 AM start time, intense reading and community action. They need to be motivated and desire to grow and prosper – and it seems part of that dedication should include the small fee that is less than the price of a hamburger or cup of coffee.
I fear that sometimes in our desire to give, we destroy the very dynamic required for growth. The sacrifice is part of the evidence of desire and commitment. I’m confident those men who “can’t afford it” will be the ones most likely to miss sessions, not do the reading, and find excuses for treating their wives badly.
What are you choosing to give to this year?
That sounds like a very reasonable price, what program are you referring to?
Dan,
I look at these too and think really? When we were going through our finance struggles and watching EVERY penny while working extra jobs at $8-$10 while caring for our four kids is when we first invested in attending one of your live events. This was a HUGE deal and a HUGE investment at the time both in terms of time, energies, and money. Because of this, the education received from this event meant so much more than if someone would have paid my way.
Sometimes the whole part of learning is also earning.
Looking at this I would advise someone to go out and get a part time gig if they really wanted to attend. Even at working at an $8-$10 part time job for 1-2 weeks would pay for it. Anyone can do this.
Agree in that these will be the ones that end up no showing and finding excuses not to follow through.
Great post!
Jen
Jen – I know this is a tricky issue. We want to give, and love and support but sometimes we do it in non-helpful ways. Thanks for your comments.
I agree with your comments and with Jen below! For myself, I choose to give to the JDRF every year. Having a son with Type 1 diabetes who was diagnosed at age 3, we are still hopeful for a cure or even some more identifying factors as to what causes Type 1 to help other kids and parents in the future. To us, it is a personal, meaningful and hopeful gift.
Kim,
I think we all need to be thoughtful about how we “give.” Thanks for your comments.
I coach kids and their parents on achieving an awareness and practice of self-reliance (for kids), and I use metaphors I conceived from my many years in the gym: “If you’re not going to be under the barbell, don’t expect to grow”, and “I’m not pushing your dumbells for you.” Though it’s okay to spot them a bit, make sure the weight is being handled by the muscle you want to grow. It’s a similar message.
Dan – very similar indeed. I like the comparison – wanting big muscles without ever straining a bit. Thanks for your comments.
I have to somewhat disagree. I understand and agree in principle with what you are saying but I think every case is different. Not all of the people who cannot afford a program like this are lazy and unmotivated. Some may be unemployed and actively looking for work. Some disabled. Some may be working on a debt reduction program such as the one Dave Ramsey presents and it is just not in their budget. If this program will help them become better employees, parents, spouses etc., maybe that is what they need to get to the place where they can not only afford it but help someone else get into the program. Maybe they just cannot afford the lump sum but would be able to do it if allowed to make installments over time. I myself could not afford coaching when it was offered to me at first. I knew I needed it, was not lazy and was willing to do the work to improve my situation. I just literally did not have it and was not willing go into debt to pay for it (as we were actively trying to get out of debt). My coach was willing to work with me and we worked out a payment plan that I could afford. Plus he gave me a bit of a discount because he believed in me and knew that it was something I needed. Instead of painting all people who cannot afford the things you consider not a big expense with the broad brush of being unmotivated why not take it case by case. I am not talking about throwing money at anyone who claims he cannot afford it. I am talking about maybe interviewing all possible candidates for the “scholarship” to find out where they and if they would be a good “fit” and finding out about their work ethic and character and making a decision based on that. Self reliance and good citizenship should always be the goal but some need a hand up to get there. Why not require the recipients of the scholarships to give back in some way once they get on their feet by helping someone else to be able to afford to get in or even mentoring. I think what this group is doing is honorable and even scriptural as long as they are employing some type of screening and accountability process.
I know you’re somewhat disagreeing, Rochelle. I understand. I think Dan was recognizing that they had to be motivated and that $3.32/week is something they could come up with by sacrificing the tall 5-pump vanilla latte/ extra hot, once a week for two years. I started my business with a quarter I found. (Squirted 25 cents of gas into an old empty truck to get me down the street to mow someone’s lawn. Long story) Now my “business” is worth $1100. Not that I’m a genius, for sure, and I had people help me out in my lifetime too, like you said. I’m kind of thinking Dan was talking about the real whiners that didn’t want to get their fingernails dirty.
Rochelle – I appreciate your heart on this issue and I agree that in many cases this would be the compassionate, caring thing to do. But sometimes it’s just not a “fit” and with the speed at which this program moves, it would slow everyone down to have to do this much work with one individual. We all get to pick and choose which personal growth programs we’re ready for.
I think the key is that someone has to be willing to try to improve their situation by committing their resources to reach their goals. If someone wants to see the benefits of participating in the intense program that Dan describes in this article, they must be willing to commit financial resources to do so. If they aren’t willing to find a way to do this, they must realize that this decision is going to mean that they will not recognize those benefits. In my experience, people have to pay something in order to really be invested in a project or a webinar. My free webinars have about a 15% attendance rate (attendees vs those that registered), but if I charge a minimal fee of $10 or 25, I will increase my attendance rate by three to fourfold People have a stake in the game when they pay.
Micki – well put. My experience is like yours – with no cost, there is little commitment.
Dan, I agree 110% with your post verbatim. I also get this same letter at at exactly the same second week of December each year. I possibly might feel differently if I heard from them throughout the year with progress reports or letters of inquiry as to how my business or family we’re doing. I’m just not excited to only hear from charitable organizations or anyone for that matter only when they want something. I truly believe they or anyone else would be much more successful if they would continually build the relationship. Jab, Jab, Jab….right hook.
Aaron – oh you too? Ha. You really nailed it with pointing out the only time we hear from a lot of organizations is when they’re asking for money. I get monthly updates on the success of young men in one organization we do contribute to regularly. Makes a ton of difference.