Fear controls my life…

Dan Miller —  February 6, 2013 — 21 Comments

Recently we had a Coaching with Excellence event here in Franklin, TN.  On the closing night it seemed no one wanted to leave – so we ordered pizza to be delivered.

When the order arrived I slipped out to the kitchen to thank the delivery man.  He tentatively asked, “Isn’t this the Pizza For YouSanctuary?”  He proceeded to tell me that he’s been a reader of my 48Days materials for years, knows all about the Sanctuary, but then added, “Fear controls my life.”

Sometimes it appears that fear of success is stronger than fear of failure.   The unknown is a scary place – staying with a familiar mediocrity may be less intimidating than trying something new.  With no clear goals and no cheering from those around you, boring but predictable careers are born and maintained.

Delivering pizzas is a worthy occupation.  But I really expect that most 46-yr-old-men see it as a stepping stone to something else.  Don’t let fear keep you in a red shirt.

Is your desire for your dream stronger than your fear?

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

In Coaching, Failure , , ,
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  • http://JaredLatigo.com/ Jared Latigo

    Fear can empower us to do incredible things…if we make sure we’re leaning on God to help us overcome it. Thanks for sharing Dan!

  • mpurcell24

    The fear is even stronger when you have built up a lot of obligations all riding on a “job” that you really dislike. I fear making the mistake of leaving a secure position and finding myself out in the cold with a family to feed and bills to pay. The little guy in the back of my head, and my family are all saying, what are you thinking? You have a great job with huge pay and benefits, don’t screw that up! That fear is the number one killer for me.

    • http://zenartandillustration.wordpress.com/ Raven Burnes

      It seems reasonable to be more cautious when you have dependents. But Dan usually advises that you work on your dream at the same time, for a predetermined period of time, until the “side gig” replaces or even almost replaces your current income. Once you have that confidence-booster, you could leave the “secure” job with your family’s blessing and have more time to devote to what you really want to do. And since you love it you’ll probably make more at it than the boring job.

      • mpurcell24

        i am on that path, but I think I am just real impatient, thank you for the continued inspiration!

    • mary

      Maybe it’s money/common sense and not fear, appealing to you..don’t leave before securing another job. I was laid off unexpectedly & live with those ‘fears’ everyday as I search for a new job. Dream, yes. Quit, no.

    • dave kenny

      have you figured out yet what it is you do want to do
      If you have start your venture with the spare time you do have or could make
      that way you are taking no risks but investing time in your dream which is never a bad thing to do

  • http://www.howtohaveapositiveattitude.com/ Brad McCullouch

    What a great post! I really do believe, if we have no fear, something is probably wrong.

  • http://twitter.com/esggraphics Eric Gale

    The funny thing is we all know what happened to the guy in the red shirt on Star Trek. He died on the away mission. It’s time to change your shirt.

    We need to train ourselves to let go of everything we fear to lose. That will free us to make better choices. Because It’s not our abilities that show what we truly are but our choices.

  • http://www.workyouenjoy.com/ Adam Rico

    Dan,
    Michael Hyatt recently had a blog post about how courage is not the absence of fear. To be fearful is human. I know I’ve had my fair share of fear. The thing I keep finding is that almost everything I have feared has never happened or I found a way to navigate the circumstance. Despite that, fear hasn’t gone away, but I’m learning that feeling fear isn’t the end of the world. Giving in to fears is the scarier possibility.

  • http://www.mondayisgood.com/ Tom Dixon

    Just signed up for the May Coaching with Excellence – encouraging that this group didn’t want to leave!

    • http://www.joshuabfarrell.com/ JB Farrell

      CWE is life changing and you meet and mingle with people doing really awesome things. You will love it.

  • Claudia Bartow

    Dan, so did you invite the guy to stay for pizza? Lol. That had to be cool for him to deliver pizza to you. I am sure you gave him a fitting reply to his fear statement.

  • http://www.StrengthLeader.com Deb Ingino

    Great post and a great reminder Dan!

  • http://www.joshuabfarrell.com/ JB Farrell

    A friend of mine commented on one of my posts, on the topic, I found it quite inspiring and thought I would share it with you

    “I’ve done quite a few things out of my comfort zone. They may be “no
    biggies” for someone else but they were big steps for me. I auditioned
    for theatre stuff even though i’ve got major stage fright. The knee
    shaking did stop after a few tries. The lip quivering… i’m still
    working on. I took a beginner’s scuba diving class in my final year of
    college even though i was (and still am) afraid of touching or being
    near fish. So while people swam after fish, i was doing a reverse doggy
    paddle AWAY from fish. I did touch the shell of a live turtle and got my
    beginner’s license. :D What would i love to try? I’ve got to think
    about that one.” (Sharon Gan)

  • Hugh

    Excellent point!

  • LouAnn Smith

    I spent some time with my dying brother in 2000 who made a sobering observation. Knowing he was dying, he said, looking back over his life, that he feared success more than failure because it came with responsibility that we were not trained to manage. We spent time looking at our family and realized this seemed to be a continuous trait. It’s been almost 13 years since that time. He passed away shortly after that conversation and even now, I still have that fear. I am almost 46 and fear doing what is truly in my heart. I have just about given up. I cannot afford to get the credentials the world says I need so I am not “qualified” to actually do what is in my heart to do. Because of that, I have settled for menial jobs that stress me out and that I am not good at. I still don’t know how to change. I just don’t want my children to do this, so I do work very hard to help them embrace all that God created them for.

  • Karen Ray

    While still scared of geese and land piranhas (i.e. chihuahuas), I’m finding it an enthusiasm booster to pick something I’m afraid of and just do it. Soooo, that has led to making that apt. with a potential client, saying “yes” to the invitation to speak, writing that story, hiking farther and living intentionally. Still working on some of those fears, but each time I conquer one I’m invigorated across the board in my life, not bad at age 48. Thanks for the encouragement to make life affirming choices!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Don-Roulo/1161347140 Don Roulo

    Fear and faith are similar. Faith believes the best and sees the best and expects results that are the best. Faith brings us what we believe.

    Fear believes the worst and sees the worst and expects results that are the worst. Fear brings us what we believe.

    Faith and fear both bring things to us that we believe…the question is what are we believing?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1176725891 Lynne Watts

    I can’t tell you how meaningful this conversation is as I am contemplating retirement from a 19+ year really good job and while it would free me to do more of what I am interested in and passionate about, the fear of downsizing income is something I am working with everyday. However, I don’t want to be years from now saying, “I wish I had” rather than “I’m glad I did”.

  • tom

    After 21 years of being a correctional officer, I would like to retire to a career and not sure what it is. Not sure what my transferable areas of competence are. I know that 48 days will help realize what it might be and have faith

  • John Traxler

    Fear is a funny thing…it can paralyze or it can motivate. Fear of heights can paralyze you from moving, but if there is a massive fire coming toward you I’m sure you’ll find a way to overcome your fear of heights (which is really a fear that you’ll jump). I am in a J.O.B. that I absolutely hate, Yea I’m fearful but boy what I can do by jumping! I would prefer to live than to be a dead spirit in living frame!