Let me handle that brain surgery you need

October 5, 2011 in Marketing, Personal Development with 44 Comments

A few days ago I received a note from a friend who is now in the “social
media business.”  Unfortunately, that has become one of those glamorous sounding careers that has no agreed upon qualifications.  Part of her proposed service would be to write blogs for me.  Just a note – while many people have ghostwriters for their blogs I have never entertained the idea.  I love to write personally and have no end of ideas eager to leave my brain.

Anyway – here is the first line of her promotion to me:  “Dan, myself and my creative team works with small business entrepreneur’s and media communicators, helping them to achieve their overall on-line and off-line strategic objectives and personal goals.”

Okay, let’s just take the first phrase and break that down a little:  “Dan, myself and my creative team works with small business entrepreneur’s and media communicators……………”

Oh, please, please stop – I can’t take any more.  You’re going to WRITE for me??

If you are going to offer a product or service I would suggest you at least give the appearance of being able to deliver some semblance of quality.  Don’t show up for my “chauffeured ride to the airport” on a tricycle.  And don’t sell me a tune-up on my sports car when you have a plastic tool kit.  Yes, I’ve often talked about how easy it is to position oneself as an “expert” but there has to be some basis for making that claim.  Stick to what you know well.  Don’t pretend to be something you’re not.

What’s your favorite story of someone exaggerating their talents?

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  • http://emuelle1.blogspot.com Eric S. Mueller

    A couple years ago I signed up for a free social media webinar. The speaker bragged about his credientials and all the millions of dollars he’s made in social media, then proceeded for an hour to tell me nothing I didn’t already know. Then came the sales pitch for his multi-thousand dollar “social media boot camp”. I hung up the phone. If the “free” call contained nothing new, why spend money?

    • Anonymous

      Eric – yep it’s one of those hot topics right now and it’s easy to call yourself an expert.  And challenging for us as potential customers to know where they are on the continuum of novice to extremely helpful.  

  • http://coachradio.tv/ Justin Lukasavige

    I love this story, Dan. I’m frequently by people wanting to proof/edit my blog with emails written similar to the one you shared.

    I get a lot of people wanting to design websites for me as well. I laugh when I find they developed their website on a platform like godaddy’s website builder or it’s developed entirely in flash.

    • Anonymous

      Justin – yeah I know you and I have seen 13-yr-olds who just “decided” they were web developers.  I could “decide” I’m a brain surgeon but I would expect someone to check my previous work before handing me the scalpel.   

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Bernard Haynes

    I had a friend try to sell me life insurance and investments with one of the MLM companies. I let him do the presentation because I wanted to see what he knew. As I suspected, when he finished I knew a lot more about the different investments and life insurance products than he knew. I told him that he had a lot of work to do.

  • Anonymous

    Dan, my first job out of high school and while I was in college was working in graphics and typesetting (there is a gone occupation). We saw may resumes come through for layout and typesetting…and get plenty of laughs of how people would exaggerate qualifications. We would add the most outrageous ones to a list…we would add our own as well. I recall one we made up as I look accross my desk now. I can proudly say that I am proficient on a Swingline 407 Fastening System…aslo known as a stapler.

    • DML

      Only a 407?

      _I_ can run a Swingline 545! ;-)

    • Anonymous

      Kevin – that’s great!  I’ve seen those too – where a taxi driver becomes a “transportation logistics director.”  Or a WalMart greeter shows up on the resume as “customer service coordinator for a Fortune 500 company.”  Gotta love it - 

  • http://seniorlifejourneys.com Carol Howell

    Dan – You described something that irritates me mightily!  I actually saw a sign in front of a business with the word “manufacturing” spelled incorrectly.  Believe it or not,  that word was part of their company name!  Go figure!
     
     

    • Anonymous

      Carol – of course Country Music has given literary license to anyone.  Now someone is “fixin” to go somewhere and “he don’t know nothin.”  Oh well.

  • Don Roulo

    Wow!  This is so ironic.  I have recently started posting blogs as I can.  I really would like to make it a priority and do it on a set schedule.  I have a good friend who is what I consider a professional writer.  He has worked in the newspaper business and does editorial work.  I sent him my blogs just so he could see them. 

    He followed up and asked me if anyone was doing editorial work for me.  I thought, did I mess things up that bad?  I asked him if I did mess things up and he assured me I was doing ok, but did give me some pointers about using certain phrases in a particular way.

    The ironic part is he offered to edit my blogs for me, so we are discussing that issue now.  It makes me very self conscious to even write a response to this blog…I hope I am dotting my “I’s” and crossing my “T’s”…LOL.  (I also know I gave Dan a rough copy of an instructional manual I put together that had several things that I knew needed to be fixed…now I really feel the pressure…LOL).

    • Anonymous

      Don – don’t be intimidated at all.  Writing gives us all lots of liberties.  Blogs and newsletters are quite different than printed books.  I don’t have anyone edit or proof my blogs – I write then on the fly and shoot them out there.  But if I didn’t have at least a grasp of common grammar I would look for help on those.  I would encourage you to just blast ahead – don’t slow down for a lot of editing on just blogs. 

      • Don Roulo

        Dan…much of the last part of what I was saying to you was tongue in cheek.  It did make me think harder about taking a little extra time even in blogs.  How you present yourself, especially in the written word, is very important.  In writing, people don’t see you and how you are dressed  They don’t see your body language or that you are actually well spoken.  You don’t have a second chance and first impressions.  I completely understand the point you were making.  Thank you for your daily encouragement!  I appreciate your honesty.

      • Don Roulo

        Dan…much of the last part of what I was saying to you was tongue in
        cheek.  It did make me think harder about taking a little extra time
        even in blogs.  How you present yourself, especially in the written
        word, is very important.  In writing, people don’t see you and how you
        are dressed.  They don’t see your body language or that you are actually
        well spoken.  You don’t have a second chance and first impressions.  I
        completely understand the point you were making.  Thank you for your
        daily encouragement!  I appreciate your honesty.

  • Janette Novak

    “Let me handle that brain surgery you need…”  — what a wonderful title for this entry, it’s why I read it.  Great example of a creative headline that draws people in.  (your advice was great, too!)

    • Anonymous

      Janette – thanks. As you know, writing interesting titles is one of the keys for building an audience.  You can do it!

  • http://www.andytraub.com Andy Traub

    Dan, you could have responded to my email privately instead of writing a blog post about it!  How embarrassing!  ;)

    Seriously though, I agree that this person misrepresented themselves when they said they could help you improve on what you’re already doing.  The first step in providing a service is knowing that your service can actually help people.  
    I love the idea of making things happen, shipping and creating things instead of “planning” yourself to death but you have to create great stuff if you’re going to create.  Sorry you got such a lame offer but at least you got a good blog post out of it.

    • Anonymous

      Andy – I thought I disguised the details enough you wouldn’t recognize yourself – sorry.   But yeah, the real life interactions with people provide plenty of fodder for helping, serving and sharpening my own saw.

    • Anonymous

      Andy – I thought I disguised the details enough you wouldn’t recognize yourself – sorry.   But yeah, the real life interactions with people provide plenty of fodder for helping, serving and sharpening my own saw.

  • CJ

    This entry reminded me of a local news story aired just this morning.  After reporting that law enforcement was making progress tracking two instances of counterfeit $100 bills recently passed in this area, they added the report of a third instance, believed to be unrelated.  A McDonald’s crew member thwarted an attempt tot pass a bogus $100 with Abraham Lincoln’s picture on it (… usually seen only on the $5 bill, in case anyone didn’t catch the significance.)

    So, at least one would-be counterfeiter had either significantly overestimated his/her abilities or underestimated those who would be receiving the product of his efforts. 

    • Anonymous

      CJ – ha, that’s pretty funny.  Stupid criminals we understand.   But stupid professionals still make us cringe.

  • Ellen Pledger

    When I lived on St. Croix, there was a business who had their slogan on the side of the truck.  (this was NOT a joke or them being cute)  On one side it said “Quality Speaks for Itself”.  On the other side of the truck, the painter had gotten carried away and left out the “s” in speaks.  They painted an “s” in above the word and used a small arrow.  LOL 
    ………so the slogan was

    “Quality Speak for Itself”

    • Anonymous

      Ellen – that’s pretty funny.  When I read your note I thought it was going to be: “Quality peaks for itself” which would make you stop and think.  I could live with that – at least you might think they meant something special with that.

  • Marty Wenger

    Many years ago a boss hired a new coworker for our department.  He supposedly came with a background of being an equipment operator in the military, so we figured it wouldn’t be difficult to teach him how to operate fuel trucks and aircraft tugs…   The day he “topped off the fuel” on the tug by filling its radiator with 100-octane aviation gas was the final convincing episode to our understanding that his “record” and his ability just didn’t jive.

    • Anonymous

      Marty – that’s hilarious.  An “equipment operator” may have meant he cleaned out the popcorn machine.

    • http://profiles.google.com/jcp411 Jordan Peterson

      Wow! That is funny! :D

  • Suzan David

    The one I hear the most and really dislike
    is this in voicemail:  “Please leave a message and I will return your call
    at my earliest convenience.”  I KNOW that they are trying to be gracious,
    but what I hear is that that person either doesn’t understand what they are
    saying, or that they really are only going to get back to me when they have
    nothing better to do. 

    • anonymous

      Susan, Truly, truly funny!

    • http://emuelle1.blogspot.com Eric S. Mueller

      I had somebody compliment me on my voice mail greeting. All I say, after the boilerplate “You’ve reached… can’t take your call…” is that “I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” When I was a Realtor, people liked that because it didn’t make me sound self-inflated. It sends that message that I’m here to serve you, yet I’m still in control of my schedule, but I’m not more important than you are. When I call somebody to do business with, if my first call gives me the impression that the person I’m dealing with thinks he or she is so much more important than I am and getting a return call is a privilege, I just drop the attempt to do business with that person.

  • Anonymous

    Isn’t it stunning the way grammatical errors abound everywhere from most intellectual publications to the simplest communications?  This morning I received an email from someone who said that if I brought a check to the meeting next week, she “would graciously accept my donation.”  I just chuckled to myself, knowing that she meant that she “would accept my gracious donation.”  However there was a part of me that wanted to say, “Really?  You’re going to be gracious about my donating to your cause?  Gee, thanks!” 
    This wasn’t a comment about exaggerating talents, but I couldn’t resist. 
    …love the blog!
    Keep it coming!

  • Guest

    I had a friend back in the early 1980′s who convinced an aircraft manufacturer to hire her as an engineer. She hadn’t even finished college. She majored in elementary education. She moved across the country to take the job. And believe it or not, worked for them for 9 months before they realized she didn’t know anything about engineering!  By the way, this girl did it again with another manufacturer who decided she’d never cut it as an engineer, so they moved her into sales – where she still flourishes today.

    • anonymous

      …and sales is where she apparently belongs, seeing as she sold herself as an engineer twice, when clearly that was not the case!  I’ll be she could sell ice to an Eskimo!  Interesting story!

  • http://plmdojo.com Scott Pigman

    Now, now, she only offered to WRITE for you. Proofreading is a separate service…

  • Lmagers

    SCREECH!  That’s the sound of poor writing skills.  Thank you, Dan, for spotlighting this growing misuse of the English language.

  • http://alexspeaks.com Alex Humphrey

    LOL!!!! That is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time. I can’t believe they are offering a WRITING SERVICE and can’t even WRITE!!! hahaha, thanks for the great share, Dan!

  • http://alexspeaks.com Alex Humphrey

    LOL!!!! That is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time. I can’t believe they are offering a WRITING SERVICE and can’t even WRITE!!! hahaha, thanks for the great share, Dan!

  • http://alexspeaks.com Alex Humphrey

    LOL!!!! That is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time. I can’t believe they are offering a WRITING SERVICE and can’t even WRITE!!! hahaha, thanks for the great share, Dan!

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