I need more self-confidence

June 20, 2011 in Finding Passion, No More Mondays, Personal Development with 12 Comments

Hello Dan,

Many of my co-workers exhibit great self-confidence.  My self confidence meter barely registers. How can I regain my self-confidence?  I know having no self-confidence is like standing in quick sand…. and looks like apathy and laziness.  And I feel like these symptoms are not the real me.  Help!    Brad

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Brad – being able to so clearly identify and describe your own low self-confidence is a strong indication that you are teachable and ready to take correction action.

I would suggest you read the little classic book The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz.  It’s one that helped me as a scared little farm kid when I realized I wanted a bigger life.  Here are some simple principles you’ll find there:

  1. Be a front seater.  Sitting up front builds confidence. You may feel a little conspicuous but remember there is nothing inconspicuous about success.
  2. Practice making eye contact.  People who don’t look you right the eye appear guilty, weak and dishonest.  It says, “I’m afraid, I lack confidence.”
  3. Walk 25% faster.  Psychologist link sluggish walking to unpleasant attitudes towards oneself.  Throw your shoulders back, lift your head and feel self-confidence grow.
  4. Practice Speaking Up.  The more you speak up the more you add to your confidence.  Consider joining your local Toastmasters group.
  5. Smile Big.  Try to feel defeated or discouraged and smile big at the same time.  You can’t.  A big smile gives you confidence.

I would also suggest See You At the Top by Zig Ziglar.  This is the book we used for “attitude adjustments” when our children were small.  They didn’t get many spankings, but often needed to change their thinking and behavior.  Zig’s book is a great guide for doing just that.

Positive self-esteem is not something we just hope for.  It is something we can act into reality.  You can turn the corner today and be more self-confident tomorrow.

 

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  • http://davidlhenderson.com David L Henderson

    Great advice! I picked up Magic of Thinking Big years ago, and it helped a lot. I would add one thing: thinking big should be linked with speaking big! Practice saying aloud what you know to be true about yourself: “I am a confident person; I like who I am and who I am becoming…” The more you say it, the more you believe it, and the more it manifests.

    • Anonymous

      David – oh I love that little book.  Being raised in a Mennonite home we were certainly not taught to “think big.”  But in as much as I value the principles I learned there as well, I have also discovered “The Magic of Thinking Big.”

  • Confused in Canada

    Could you explain the difference between self-confidence and self-worship?  I realized just this morning that one of my limiting beliefs comes from the idea that if I love my body, I am “self-worshiping” but yet I need to change my thinking to achieve great health. 

    - Confused in Canada

    • Anonymous

      Confused – yes, it’s easy to think these are closely related, and yet they are pretty opposite.  Self-worship usually comes from low self-confidence.  It’s an empty attempt to convince yourself and others that you’re something you’re not.  Self-confidence can certainly include being proud of your body — if in fact you are in great physical condition and have great energy and vitality.  That’s based in fact – not fantasy or wishful thinking.  

  • Jill Pittmann

    I completely agree with Dan’s book recommendations – they are incredible books that will make a big difference in your life. If you are really interested in gaining greater self-confidence, and looking for thought/behavior change, enroll in a local Dale Carnegie Course. This class changed my life – gave me greater self confidence, people skills, improved my communication and helped make me a stronger leader. Good Luck!

    • Anonymous

      Jill – great advice.  I took the basic Dale Carnegie course many years ago and still credit that for helping prepare me for the writing, speaking and coaching I am privileged to do today.

  • Marcos R. Espinosa

    It was with great joy that I opened today’s newsletter as this is something I am wrestiling with right now. It was 3 years ago that I first became aware of Dan’s work. I learned of him by watching the Dave Ramsey show. I was at a job that paid the bills but didn’t give me anything to look forward to and really it was only a job. I bought ‘No more Mondays’ and ’48 Days to the work you love’. After that I decided that I wanted to help people with their financial well being like Dave Ramsey. I new somebody that worked for a big financial company and I asked him how to get a job their.  Long story short I passed the test for a life insurance license and the Finra Series 6. Why am I rambling about all this? Because this is an industry were self confidence has to be the main ingredient and I don’t have it yet. I have read the ‘Magic of Thinking Big’ but I keep going back to my old ways. I have been told by several people that they appreciate the way I make eye contact, most people I know can keep up with me when I walk, but I don’t like talking in public and I definetely lack the confidence to ask people for the opportunity to do business with them, or to ask for their money if I got that far. After 10 months of struggling on a 100% commission based job, I realized this lack of confidence is the reason why I kept taking just jobs that didn’t require me to stick my neck out. I guess I will reread the ‘Magic of Thinking Big’ and read ‘See you at the top’. I was also raised in a home where being first was not right base on the scripture that says that the first ones will be last and viceversa, or that self was equal to pride and so on.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1607036410 Chris Brown

      Marcos, the only way to overcome most fears are to do them. I am a big man, but was terrified of addressing any group larger than three. I took a Speech/Public Speaking class at my local community college one summer. The first speech I had to give in class, I actually carried the podium with me because I couldn’t let go. By the fifth week, and fifth speech, I had no problems laying the outline down, moving out from behind the podium, and throwing in a few jokes. As for the religious guilt, I was raised in the buckle of the Bible Belt. It took forty years to realize God is not the Supreme Punisher, but Supreme Love. If you have children, you understand how both, or all, can be number one at the same time.

      • Anonymous

        Chris – thanks for sharing how you’ve overcome some basic fears.  W. Clement Stone, the original publisher of SUCCESS magazine, used to tell his salesguys, “Do what you fear, and fear disappears.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1607036410 Chris Brown

    Amen. As Zig says, we need a ‘check-up from the neck-up’.

  • Mrgreenapple

    Thank you Dan this was much needed

  • http://twitter.com/KaiSpeaksHealth Kai

    Awesome tips..thanks

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