I’m so sorry for this…..

Dan Miller —  May 19, 2011 — 8 Comments

I visited an artists’ conference recently.  The room was filled with well-known and talented musicians and for the
 concluding evening session, a variety of those were invited up to play or sing.  However, the talent was somewhat obscured as each artist, without exception, apologized in advance for what they were about to offer.

  • I haven’t played the piano for several years now.
  • I’ve been struggling with my voice not being strong.
  • I wrote this song but a better songwriter could probably do something more.
  • We’re having trouble getting the microphones set up for both our voices.
  • I didn’t really have time to practice for this.
  • I’m sorry, I sing mostly for kids.

I fully expected the next person to apologize for the “C” she got in high school history and for the Coke spill on the seat of her car.  It seemed the performance was to see who could outdo the previous presenter in apologies.

Why do we start any personal presentation with an apology for what we are going to deliver?  I know it seems like humility but it serves no one.  If you really don’t believe your presentation is worth hearing then please just ask to not perform.  And false humility is a dangerous practice in which the person degrades himself in the hope that others will compliment and build him up.  There is little to be gained by apologizing and it instantly damages your credibility with the audience.  If you apologize for not being an expert, for example, your audience will question why they are listening to you.  If you apologize for not being prepared or not being your best physically, those listening have been alerted they will not be getting your best.

Here are 10 tips from Toastmasters International that can be applied to singing, speaking, showing your art, or teaching a Sunday School class:

  1. Know your material.
  2. Practice. Practice. Practice!
  3. Know the audience.
  4. Know the room.
  5. Relax.
  6. Visualize yourself giving your speech.
  7. Realize that people want you to succeed.
  8. Don’t apologize for any nervousness or problem – the audience probably never noticed it.
  9. Concentrate on the message – not the medium.
  10. Gain experience.

I apologize for not having 11 tips.  I was going to come up with one more but I didn’t sleep well last night, this is allergy season, the rain slowed me down on my walk to my office, plus I was never good at math.  I really am sorry – please forgive me.

 

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  • http://www.thebootstrapcoach.com/ Josh Bulloc

    There is always a reason I cannot do a “perfect” presentation.  The funny thing is I weave the imperfection into the presentation to add humor.  The last time I presented I had a pretty bad cold and was taking medicine which gave me a bit of medicine head.  In describing this to the class I had them laughing in the first few minutes.  A few weeks later I was told by someone that I was the only memorable part of the class. In other words do not use excuses to set the expectations low soyou are not criticized. Most people will not notice what you think is bad.

  • http://www.MamaSaysNamaste.com AshleyRose

    Love this post – why do we feel like we are anything less than the best we can become?  Two awesome quotes on these lines:

    “You are not here merely to make a living.  You are here to enable the world to live more
    amply, with greater vision, and with finer spirit of hope and achievement.  You are here to enrich the world.  You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.”  ~Woodrow Wilson

    Maybe we aren’t apologizing for our faults, but in order to cover up how great we are:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

  • http://www.suttonparks.com Sutton Parks

     This was a great observation and really hits home (I used #3).  It makes no sense to apologize before a performance, yet there’s some insecurities that surface beforehand.  It’s not the professional way.  Could you imagine Babe Ruth apologizing before he went to bat?  Or Stradivarius apologizing before he made a violin?  They wouldn’t apologize before or after, and most of the time Babe Ruth struck out!  Thank you for pointing this out.  Now I can apply the lesson and change.  

  • http://twitter.com/tannerEfield Tanner Field

    Great advice I am in the middle of your book right now and loving it. Thanks for all you do.
    Tanner

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Doug-Houck/1659046435 Doug Houck

     Fun post.  Apologies would be more fun if they were in the Ashleigh Brilliant style!!

  • http://deaconbradley.com Deacon Bradley

     Great reminder Dan! It’s easy for me to let apologizing become a habit or a crutch to let the audience down manually before you do it with your presentation. It’s something I have to consciously work at to get right. Don’t apologize. Be confident. Thanks Dan!

  • Lesia Mock

    I love the Am Sorry bit.  My job constitute with am sorry and in the background I play the Brenda Lee song, “I’m sorry”.  You have to have humor and people love to hear you say those words.  But yes that advise about starting with an apology is not a good thing. 

  • Misty H.

    I think apologizing sometimes is done for the appearance of humility which isn’t sometimes needed unless you seem arrogant in other ways.  I found this article interesting.   

    I was at a ladies’ retreat last year and listened to 4 speakers.  Except for one, all of them got up and the first thing they said was an apology for being nervous.  The one who didn’t apologize started her speech immediately with a story that got the audiences attention.  Which one has been asked to speak at numerous events since and asked to teach bible classes?  You can guess it.  An interesting side note:  The one who didn’t apologize was by far the youngest speaker there.
    .