Don’t be this optimistic…..things are going to get worse

April 13, 2011 in Finding Passion, Personal Development with 23 Comments

Over the weekend I read a blog from a guy who said he suffers from “pathological optimism” – a belief that everything can be turned around if you want to turn things around.  But he also suffers from stress, tension and depression.  And now he’s wondering if his pathological optimism has produced an equal, but destructive shadow side.

Is that the way it works?  Do we expect opposites in all areas of our lives?

As the film Shadowlands concludes, C. S. Lewis laments:  “Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”

Is it a risk to be too optimistic?  Here’s a short clip from the Jefferson Medical College on the issue.  See if this psychological garbage doesn’t cheer you up:

Fantasies whose core is constituted by the notions of “someday” and “if only” are ubiquitous in human psyche. In severe character pathology, however, these fantasies have a particularly tenacious, defensive, and ego-depleting quality. The “someday” fantasy idealizes the future and fosters optimism, and the “if only” fantasy idealizes the past and lays the groundwork for nostalgia. The two fantasies originate in the narcissistic disequilibrium consequent upon the early mother-child separation experiences, though the oedipal conflict also contributes to them.

It goes on to suggest some cures for optimism, including:

  • rupturing the patient’s excessive hope, and
  • reconstructing the early scenarios underlying the need for excessive hope.

Is it “pathological” to expect goodness from the person you meet in a dark alley, to believe a child can rise from the ghetto and do something great, to see hope in the midst of earthquakes, tsunamis, and wars?  Is it a false optimism to follow your dream?

Apparently some childhood trauma – probably the severe way in which I was potty-trained – caused me to have “excessive hope.”  Whatever………..    Call off the shrinks, forget the psychotropic drugs – just let me alone with my fantasies.  Don’t take away my “someday” and “if only.”   If you don’t “rupture my excessive hope” I won’t poke a hole in yours.   I’ll take the risk of competing emotions – just let me enjoy my pathological optimism.

What about you?

 

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  • Djroman1108

    Pathological optimism is one thing, but living in your “somedays” and “what if’s” can distract you from the here and now. Often I find that those stuck in those fantasies are doing nothing to work towards those ideal futures. They dream and fantasize, only to be crushed by the realization that their current situation hasn’t changed.

  • Djroman1108

    “We cannot build our lives around what might happen tomorrow.”-Zig Ziglar

  • JunB

    Here is what God says about HOPE: “And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:5. If there is no hope, life will be really hard to get through.

    • http://mydecoratingcoach.com Kathryn Salyer

      Yes!!! Hope is what I wake up to every morning. It energizes me to go forward and work toward the vision God has shown me!! Without Hope and the optimism it brings, I would stay in bed.

  • Anonymous

    Once I was talking on the phone with a friend. He asked, “How are you doing?” I said, “I’m doing great! I had a good day yesterday, and the day before. In fact, the last couple weeks have been wonderful. But this too shall pass.”

    He asked, “Now why the hell would you say that?” I told him, “I heard some people say that in a 12 step meeting; when things are going good, ‘it shall pass’.”

    He wisely told me something I’ve never forgot, “Aww, that’s bullsh*#! You should wake up every morning with positive expectations for the day. Expect things to go well and to have a great day. If something happens to get in your way, deal with it and then go about your business of having a great day.”

    I believe in pathological negative thinking, and part of the cure (unless there is a medical condition) for me was plain old optimism.

    • Anonymous

      Sutton – I think that was good advice from your friend. I find too many people who when experiencing good things admit they are waiting on the other shoe to drop. Anticipating that good things cannot last. There must be some kind of evening of the score – baloney!! Expect it to be all good.

  • Jason Garey

    Head in the clouds
    Feet on the ground
    The wise is at home
    The fool it confounds

  • Rob Giacobbu

    I’m with you Dan! The mere fact that we are still on the earth testifies that we have NOT YET fullfilled our God Given purpose- so …the best is yet to come has even greater implications than the someday there will be no more tears….

  • happygirl

    I live in optimism. Any time negative or destructive thoughts creep in, and they do with all of us on a constant basis, I recognize them as just that: negative THOUGHTS. I counteract them with the words Jesus said, “Get behind me Satan.” And then I replace that thought with it’s positive counterpart. “I most certainly can do it!” or something along those lines. I also try to feed others with positive comments too! You reap what you sow. That which you would like to hear, say to others!
    Have a great day!

    • Anonymous

      Yep – we can choose at any given time what we are going to experience. I read just this morning about a gal who was crying to her mother about a broken relationship. When she asked her mother what she should do her mother said – “Decide to feel better.”

  • http://www.workiscalling.com Daryll Mackereth

    Dan, I loved your post on optimism. How about “Dream and Do”. If I dream and don’t do, well, my wife will probably talk to me (really). But doing without dreaming, that doesn’t work either. If I am still breathing, there is hope and a reason to be thankful. Today I am going to dream of what can be and do what I can do.

    So here’s to Optimism, or put another way, Faith Based Hope.

    • Anonymous

      Daryll — thanks for your thoughts here. Dreaming is fine but without the doing it’s just wishes and fantasies.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7TLUV6M4AVA4D3BTCUQUIJ6ESI JF

    There’s a deep difference between being optimistic and being delusional. Optimists don’t discount the possibility of bad things happening, nor do they believe they should be exempt from them. They just decide that it’s more constructive to look at the bright side of any situation. The pathological people this shrink describes sounds like someone who doesn’t believe they should HAVE to practice or work at anything to succeed, or that they are entitled to have the trappings of success that are accorded to others who have talent, merit and a strong work ethic. I would say that many of the initial participants in American Idol (you know, the ones who can’t carry a tune in a bucket but think they deserve a place on the show) would fall into that category. As long as those “some days” aren’t a substitute for action, then let us all dream on.

  • Dimensions

    Right on Dan, psycho-babble has never produced champions. The scripture is correct when it teaches that the battle is in the mind. One of the most remarkable creations is our mind. We can feel discouraged, despondent and without hope and just by changing our thinking we can change the course of our life. One of the simple truths we forget is that we cannot set our mind on two things at once. Just by changing what we set our mind on we can achieve more than we ever thought possible.

    • Anonymous

      Isn’t it amazing how psycho-babble has named and adored every human weakness. When we give it a name it is then excusable – as in “not my fault.” How limiting.

  • Gerbereh

    I would rather look on the bright side, wait to worry until I know I have something worth worrying about and know that ‘this too shall pass’ when I’m strugling. I love the idea of ‘a perfect brightness of hope’ and let’s not forget that Faith, Hope and Charity all go hand in hand. I have met people who live in the ‘if only’ or ‘someday’ worlds who cannot be happy in the here and now though. The present is still precious and is the only place I have any influence.

  • Cheers : )

    Being optimistic is important, but there is a fine line between that and being on the borderline of delusional. I know people who have hope for things that are totally unrealistic, selfish and damaging.

    On the other hand, I’ve seen studies that show being pessimistic to the right degree (whatever that is) helps to be more “realistic”, rather than too much of a “dreamer”.

    Without hope we don’t have much, in my opinion anyway. But what we hope for is the key.

  • Lyle King

    As a Christian, the notion of hope is simply not optional. Not because I make myself hope, but because it’s a natural outflow of my relationship with my creator. Romans 15:13 declares, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (NIV) He not just God, He’s the “God of Hope”. He offers not just an occasional hope, but a hope that overflows! As a person who has grappled with issues of depression during seasons of my life, this truth is essential and life-giving. It would be my desire that all could know the reality of this message.

  • Pawsagogodave

    How true these words ring. There are many days i use optimism and there are no shortage of.people to try and bring me down. I am learning to trust the dreams and tune out the the the nay-sayers. I beleave god works through dreams, so if we ingore dreams we are ingoreing God.

  • Skip Huntress

    My daughter asked me what my favorite day was. Monday I said, because I know that I have a fresh opportunity to do something creative with my job. I begin each week as a blank canvas.
    Optimism keeps me going.

  • Dave thinking

    Faith is the substance of things hoped for. If we have no hope then do we need faith? Vision is not seeing things as they are but as they can be. What is the purpose of vision if we are just going to accept the lot that life gives us?
    Are you kidding me? We were made to be optimistic! God didn’t just put us here to exist. He gave us purpose and each of us with special talents and gifts to use for a higher cause than our own. I say dare to be optimistic! Use your gifts to the best of your ability and let God do the rest. Optimism is only foolish if a lack of faith keeps us from ever trying.
    Some may ask the question, what if it doesn’t work? I say we ask the question, What if it does?
    We can only think one thought at a time so let’s make it a good one!

  • Mike

    Most of the people who know me would say I was a positive person, perhaps nauseatingly so. I was not always this way. Even after I was saved, I could complain and moan about what was happening around me with the best of them. I think the change for me took place after I attended the International Conference of the ICCC at Rhema in June 2000 in Johannesburg, South Africa. A man named Gunnar Olson, the founder of this organization, stood in front of a podium at the conclusion of the conference and proclaimed Isaiah 60 which said to “Arise and shine” over the continent of Africa and that God was going to use Africa to bless the nations.

    In July 2000, a month later, at 4:00 A.M. in Cape Town, businessman Graham Power was awakened by a vision from God that came in three distinct parts. In the first part of the vision, God instructed Graham to rent the 45,000-seat Newlands rugby stadium in Cape Town for a day of repentance and prayer for that city. In the second part of the vision, he saw the prayer movement spreading to the rest of South Africa for a national day of prayer. In the final part of the vision, he saw the prayer effort spread to cover the rest of the continent. It finally spread to the whole world.
    A year later I attended the Global Day of Prayer in Port Elizabeth and put on a wrist band for the first time. I have only ever taken it off to replace it with a new one, to remind me of God’s promise in 2 Chron 7:14…….

    Do I find it difficult to be positive some times, do I struggle to find something positive to say when those around me are complaining about crime, about the failing educational and health systems, about reckless drivers etc.etc.? You can bet I do.

    But to grumble and groan, to rant and to rave does not serve any purpose other than to reveal what is inside of us. These conversations are the dashboard warning lights that inside we do not believe all we are meant to be or alternatively God is not who He pertains to be and that the Kingdom on earth is but a pipe dream. To speak ad nauseam about the lack of work ethic, the wasted expenditure and the corruption that surrounds us, to one another, is as futile as worrying about it. If you want to speak about these things tell someone who can do something about it, like David did in the Psalms.

    We have a choice each day as to how we will respond to circumstances, conversations and people. Will we choose to think and act like the world or will we choose to follow the words of Paul in Phil 4.

    Blessings

    Mike Smith
    Port Elizabeth
    South Africa

    • Anonymous

      Mike – thanks for sharing from your part of the world. Yes, we all see circumstances around us discourage us. That’s why we can’t base our hope, faith, or optimism on those circumstances. We have to rise up and be a Gunnar, a Graham, a David, a Mike or a Dan and stand out as being different. Keep being a light in South Africa.

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